Happy Birthday to my beautiful Mama!
Mama is 58 years old today. I hope I get to see her today, or at least talk to her a little. If I don’t, I will work really hard on not being angry about it. What good does that do any of us? None.
Birthdays have always been very special, to me. I’ve never lost my child-like excitement about them, and, honestly, I hope I never do. I always have the feeling that we should celebrate having lived through yet another year. The older we get, hopefully the smarter we get, too. And the mere fact that we have made it through everything life threw our ways is definitely a cause to celebrate.
Yesterday was Frankie’s birthday. He is my brother-in-law. It was a most unhappy birthday for him, though. One of his younger brothers died last night. Poor Checo, Frankie’s brother, had an ulcer that perforated his stomach and a perforated bowel. I don’t know how either thing happened, but I guess that doesn’t really matter now. He’s gone, and nothing will bring him back.
I have been having a hard time with this. I didn’t know Checo. I know most of Frankie’s family, though, and they have been in my life for fifteen years, so I love them very much, even if I don’t understand them much. I am particularly concerned for Frankie’s parents, Guadalupe and Sergio, and for Alex and Juli. I have never had the opportunity to get to know Guadalupe, yet, but I love her for all the things she has been to my sister and Alex and Juli. Their grandmother has been a most loving, stable influence in their lives. I DO know Sergio, though. I’ve known him the entire 15 years that MH has been with Frankie. There are times that I do not understand or like Sergio’s attitudes, but he has always been kind to me, and the kids absolutely adore him. It’s hard for me to imagine the pain that he and his wife must be feeling right now.
As for Alex and Juli, I’ve made up my mind to exercise my faith. They will eventually be okay and cope with this loss, their uncle’s death. I really HATE that they keep having to deal with this at such young ages. I know what it is like, because it happened to me, too. But we made it through, and I am, overall, satisfied with my life….and I know that the people we lost before are happier now. It is an odd kind of gift to be able to leave this world behind and go on to Heaven. I wish our babies did not have to learn the lesson the same way I did, but since it appears to be their lot in life, then I am hoping they have the same fortitude my brother, sister, and I have always had. Yes, I get really depressed about it, sometimes, but I keep going, ultimately. Let’s hope that neither Alex nor Juli battles that particular demon.
So here it is my mother’s birthday. My beautiful Mama, Suzi-Q. Today, I am not going to allow any of the conflicting feelings to bring me down or ruin her special day. I’m learning how to adopt this attitude…it’s just taking more time than I would prefer, but better late than never, I suppose.
I am focusing on the positive aspects of my Mama, and there are PLENTY of those! Despite her own conflict about my priority in her life, she has mostly been the most supportive, loving person I have ever known….maybe the only exception to that would be my grandmothers. Once upon a time, there WAS peace between Nanny and me. It wasn’t always like it wound up, with us fighting all the time.
I hear Nanny’s wind chime right now. Maybe she’s talking to me? It’s a comforting sound, that wind chime. Anytime I go outside, I tap it, so I can hear it. It feels like part of being at home, if that makes sense.
One of MH’s friends said the most wonderful thing last night. He said to let Checo know to follow the Angel who was speaking in German to him into the light. At first, I didn’t get it. I thought, "He doesn’t speak German!" Later on, it dawned on me that the friend was saying that Nanny would lead Checo into the light. I hope that’s the way it happened. Maybe our precious Memaw was there, too. I know that when my time comes, whenever it may be, I would like for them to greet me…maybe be the ones to lead me home.
For my Mama, I wish a happy, special day. I’d like to spend some of it with her, but we’ll see what happens.
Love to everyone reading this,
Herm