Happy Birthday, Mikey

My Mikey, I love you

∞ • π³ + 1


It’s Laurice’s birthday…the body, not Mikey himself. It is still early in the morning, and Mikey’s asleep. I’m dealing with issues right now, and since he’s asleep, I can’t focus as much on his birthday as I’d like.

I’m never going to get over the death of Cierra, apparently. I popped in a disc for Jenniffer the other day…Harpette, as I call her…the disc had the funeral home’s shockwave video for Cierra on it. We watched it, but when it got to her Halloween pictures, taken about two weeks before her death, I started crying and had to stop the video.

I just can’t work it out that that poor BABY had to die. It doesn’t work in my head that a child should die, and no matter how hard I try, which isn’t always that much, due to the emotional pain, I can’t sort it out that this innocent baby is no longer with us. It feels so wrong, and it hurts my heart so terribly. Kasey, her big sister, was at Alex and Juli’s birthday party this year. She said, “This one (of Lance’s twins) looks just like Cierra, my baby…..sister.” I looked at her and almost started crying again as I said, “You said it right…your baby.”

I don’t mean that offensively to Cierra’s parents. I only mean that Kasey took care of her baby sister a lot of times, and she truly LOVED that child. Cierra was a lucky baby, in that regard. I guess God just felt He needed her more than any of us did.

One thing I hurt about is that I didn’t even know Cierra very much, in her brief 4-month life. I saw her once, and I can’t remember if I held her. Holding babies is my favorite thing in life, and I can’t even remember if I held this one. I KNOW I kissed her, though. She looked so much like her Aunt Sherry. Even though I have troubles with Sherry sometimes, she’s very dear to my heart, and I kept thinking how fitting it was that her brother gave birth to a baby that looked so much like her….then, four months later, Cierra is dead.

I keep hoping time will work some kind of magic on me. It has been ten months, and my heart still hurts so badly.

Wish much luck, and please pray for me.

Love,

Betty Louise

Log in to write a note