Happy Anniversary, Memaw and Papaw

Today, Memaw and Papaw would be married for 72 years.  They only celebrated 61 of those before Papaw died.  I’m not sad, though.  

While looking at the site for the funeral home our family uses (http://www.corleyfuneralhome.com), I found two obituaries for people by the name of Lockhart.  Mrs. Lockhart died on May 25.  Mr. Lockhart died June 2.  I guess he just couldn’t live without her.  This may sound messed up, but I think that is so romantic and sweet.  

I have always wanted that kind of love.  I’ve seen it before.  But I think it will not be that way for Laurie and me.  If I died first, maybe it would, but we’ve discussed this pretty often, due to the overage of death in our large family.  If Laurie dies before I do, I might WANT to join her, but, depending on the timing and our ages, I probably would need to stick it out as long as I could, here on Earth.  We have children and grandchildren who would need me then.  And how I’d need them.

Most people don’t seem to want to talk about the possibility of death happening to themselves.  With the experiences my family has had, we’ve learned to talk about it.  I am laying out instructions for what I want to happen at my funeral and for my burial.  Laurie is, too.  We know where we want to be buried.  We know what kind of headstone we want and what we want on it.  

But it seems to be my lot in life to be "the strong one".  That means I’ll probably face much more heartache in life.  You know what I think of that?  If it HAS to be, then it just has to be.  I don’t WANT it, but allow me to be my usual hypothetical self, if you will.  Let’s say a few years (or decades!) down the road, something happens to me.  How would my siblings or my wife deal with my loss?  Could I deal with the loss of them better?  Maybe, maybe not, but I know I would have no choice but to pull myself back together.  I worry that Laurie wouldn’t do that.  One time when we were talking about it, she got upset and said I could never die.  I told her I’d eventually have to, but she was so upset about the very IDEA of it that I joked with her about it.  "Okay, then, I’ll be a true gentleman and let you go first!"

It made her laugh, which I’m happy about.  

I know this has been a morbid entry, and for that I apologize.  It’s just a realistic part of life that seemingly doesn’t get tired of being thought about, because the actual event of death just keeps visiting us.  

Point being, if it IS my lot in life to grow to be the old man who outlives everyone, then perhaps that will serve a purpose in helping my family.  Look at Nanny, for example.  I hope I never get that bitter, though.  In a strange way, it would be an honor to BE that old, lonely man.  It would allow me to give my beloved family the last gift I COULD give them.