Guilty, Party Of One – a case of eating crow

You would freakin’ know that when I decide to "smarten up" or "take the bull by the horns", I was actually mistaken in my justification for it.  While it needed to be done, that letter to our grandson was not necessary yet.

After two days of not having unlimited access to her pills, she was still acting all gaga-headed, and I was going crazy trying to figure it out.  I checked the hidden stash of pills….nothing missing.  Hadn’t been touched.  So I decided to see what all she was on that might be interacting with each other.  BINGO!

She is on both Risperidone (Risperdal) and Furosemide (Lasix) since her stay in the hospital last month.  One anti-psychotic and one water pill.  One would not figure they’d have anything to do with each other, but I found out that they interact badly.  I can’t remember which sites I looked at, but the symptoms of a bad interaction….my wife fit every one of them….and they are remarkably similar to an overdose on her "favorite" medicines.

So here I am, feeling like shit for writing that letter when I did.  It might have been a necessary "tool", sooner or later, but she wasn’t doing anything wrong and I more or less punished her, anyway.  That doesn’t leave a good taste in my mouth.  In fact, it makes me feel like a bastard.

Sometimes, it just feels like I never get ANYTHING right, you know?  I am trying to save my wife’s life, more or less, but I picked the wrong time to put my "all’s fair in love and war" tactic into play.  Why not sooner, when it WAS overdoses?  Why not later?  Why this particular time, when she had done nothing at all wrong?

For my darling Mikey….I love you with all my heart, babe.  I am so sorry for hurting you, yet again, needlessly.  You know how I am…I fight dirty for what’s mine, and you are, without a doubt, the most important REASON to fight dirty, if that makes sense.  That’s how much I love you.  I know I’m very far from the perfect husband.  I know you have a LOT to deal with, as my spouse, and I’m grateful you put up with all my bullshit, too.  Just know that I was acting out of love and concern.  I wasn’t just being an arbitrary asshole.  

I love you forever times PI cubed plus one,

Your Jack