Glass heart

 

My Mikey, I love you

∞ • π³ + 1

Maybe I get hurt too easily.  I’ve often thought that was true of me…maybe it is.

Those of you who know both Mikey and me are probably wondering why he wrote an entry called "Endlessly raped" the other night.

We went out to a different Walmart than we usually do, the other night.  As usual, I did not go inside, but Mikey did.  While he was going down the soup aisle,  some stockers made some very uncalled for remarks, such as telling him they’d love to take him out of that cart and fuck him in the aisle.  One of them said he just KNEW that Mikey would enjoy it, too.

It winds up that before Mikey came outside, these guys who were saying this all came and sat outside, where I could see them and they could see me.  I was watching the front door, waiting for Mikey.  Two or three of those guys (there were 4 or 5 of them) kept looking at me and laughing.  Just looking at the, I knew something was wrong with them, because they seemed to be thinking that since I was looking in their direction, I HAD TO BE looking at them.  I was so tempted to go up there and tell them to get over themselves, I was waiting on MY WIFE!

So when Mikey did come outside, he went right past them.  At that point, I didn’t know they’d harassed him.  When I pulled the car up to the curb,  he told me that some guys had been giving him a hard time.  I told him, rather loudly, that the next time anyone did that, he was to "smack ’em upside the head with your cane".  I KNOW those guys heard me, because I said it too loudly for them not to hear it.

Well, when we were on our way home, he told me what they said.  Then he told me who did it.  Needless to say, I was not pleased, for many reasons.

Maybe this is wrong of me, but I couldn’t help but get angry that Mikey didn’t say or do anything to them.  Here I am, the spouse,  and I catch total hell for almost anything he considers wrong….and these guys got away without a word.  That really hurt my feelings.

I filed that away, for the moment.  I was too busy being angry that yet someone ELSE in Waco wanted to hurt my spouse.  When we got home, we talked some about it, and then I made my fatal mistake…..I asked him if it really happened, and he wasn’t just hearing things in his head.

He told me that "THAT’s why people don’t report rapes.  They get told it’s their own fault!"

Now, wait a goddamned minute!  Who said this was his fault?  I just asked if it was true, because I didn’t want us to file a false report!!!!  In case anyone hasn’t noticed, Mikey has a very long history of telling me things that are not true.  I don’t know if I’d call it lying, per se, but it’s still not true.  The police, however, WOULD call it lying!

That comment about blaming rape on the victim really bothered me.  I didn’t see how he could say that when I was trying to make sure that we did the right thing.  So I’m supposed to accept automatically ANYTHING he tells me? No, I can’t do that.

So he called the rape crisis line, to talk to someone who knew better how to handle things than I do.

Then, yesterday, Mikey got tired of flies coming in and flying around, so, without one word to me, he walked up and started spraying bug spray right behind me.  I asked him to stop, but he ignored me.  I started coughing.  He didn’t pay attention.

  I started crying, because it really seemed like he was trying to hurt/kill me.  He still didn’t stop.  He went through the room,  out into the hallway, and he didn’t stop spraying until it made HIM start coughing and gagging.

After that, I know there is something REALLY wrong with my spouse.  He is so determined to get his way in EVERYTHING that one day, he WILL kill me to get it.

I’m not really afraid of him.  I think I might WANT him to kill me,  as long as it’s not too nasty a way.  I don’t want him to hurt my family that way, but sometimes I’d rather DIE than live the way we do.

I got a massive headache, just after having gotten rid of one.  I couldn’t see right for a while, either.  I went up to the bedroom, and when I lay down, I passed out.

I don’t know what’s going on, but I feel my spouse considers me the enemy, and it looks as if he’s punishing me for something…but I don’t know what.

I hope the doctor helps him this week, when Mikey sees him.  If not, I don’t know what to do anymore.  It’s almost like Mikey’s on the verge of a psychotic break, and I don’t want that to happen, for either of our sakes OR ELISABETH’S!!!!!  Our daughter will be back at the end of the week.

Tally fucking ho, eh?

Betty Louise