Funny, but not in a laughing way

We got news today that set us all on edge.  My sister’s brother-in-law, whom we call Checo, is dying.  He is only 26 years old.  It’s not a lengthy illness.  He will probably be gone before the day is over.  It has been sudden, unexpected, and, even though I do not know Checo personally, it has been very shaking.

Checo is also an uncle of MH’s kids, Alex and Juli, so he’s the exact same relation to them that I am.  The kids don’t know yet.  Rightly or wrongly, my sister has decided not to burden them with worry, when there is nothing they can do about the situation.  I did not initially agree, but now, I don’t know what’s right or wrong about it.  

When we were little and there was a death in the family, if it happened while we were asleep, Mama would let us get a night’s rest before she told us.  She figured we would need whatever energy and rest we could get before dealing with it.  I think she was right.

We also lost an uncle at a very young age.  He was 29.  I was 10.  MH was 12.  His name was Ray, and we miss him to this day.  His death was also very sudden…a freak accident.  He was electrocuted on the job.  Mama’s baby brother.  That made my mother the baby of the family.  I know what it’s like to lose people at a young age…I had my share of it….but I don’t understand why our babies have to go through this over and over and over again.  In the space of the last one year period, they have lost both great-grandmothers on our side of the family – Nanny and Memaw – and then, a kid at school died from a brain tumor.  Now, they’re going to go through the same loss WE did at roughly the same ages.  THAT is what is bothering me.

It seems so wrong for Alex and Juli to have to learn to cope with death in such a quick and brutal way.  Why couldn’t it at least be spaced out or something?  I am trying not to question too hard…after all, it is my belief that God doesn’t make mistakes.  It hurts, though.  I’m not hurting because of Checo, exactly.  Kind of, but it’s more for Alex and Juli.  What are they going to feel like?  Will they feel like I did, after losing person after person after person in my own lifetime?  I felt, for a long, long time that life was cruel.  Everyone I loved seemed to be disappearing, and I didn’t understand why.  I questioned whether or not I was being punished somehow.  Again, I didn’t see it as a punishment for those who died, because I firmly believe in God and Heaven.  

I will be praying that my babies make it through this and have a nice, LONG break before they lose anyone else.  They need recovery time, time to grieve, and they have not had it for any of these losses.  Alex told me, just a few minutes after Nanny died, "I feel like a piece of my heart just broke off."  That statement, paired with the loss of my grandmother, broke off a piece of mine, too.  How awful it is when the children suffer.  But my heart…that mystical, symbolic feeling that we refer to as a heart, anyway….regenerates, eventually.  I will keep it in my prayers that theirs does, too.