For Persona – an attempt at an answer

 

PROVE IT, HERMY……

 

 

Persona, sweets, don’t be silly!  Of course I am not offended by your question!!!!!  This is Jack, the "usual" guy who is out.  I handle most of daily life situations.  We have discovered that there is what we call a "chain of command".  It may not sound like it SHOULD work this way, but it does for us, anyway.

Usually, I wake up in the mornings.  Sometimes, not so.  Hermy is technically the core, I would suppose, though he is out so very LITTLE of the time.  I, Jack, mostly am out.  We are unusual, apparently, in the regard that we are set up (inside this body, I mean) as a family structure.  It has always been this way, even before we realized exactly what it was. 

I’ve always heard voices in my mind, not in my ears.  That’s how I knew I wasn’t schizophrenic….auditory hallucinations (hearing voices) have to be OUTSIDE the head.  The voices, which always told us such opposing things, are stricly in my mind.  It was the family’s thoughts being expressed within, if that makes sense.

As for who’s out and how often :

Since I have been designated the "main guy", or however you’d wish to say it, I am out the most.  I have just about got it pegged after whom we were each modelled, as it seems that we are an internalized version – a "corrected" version – of people we know in real life and admire, but don’t LIKE something about them.  I do not know exaclty whom I am based on, if anyone, but Betty is based on Mary Helen, my real-life sister.  She is Mary Helen with some attitude adjustments, really.  Mary Helen the way we always wanted her to be.  Since she’s not that way, apparently our mind CREATED Mary Helen the way we wanted her to be, in the form of Betty.

Thelma seems to be a conglomeration of all the older women (some men, too) that we’ve known.  Mrs. Chaffee, Memaw, and Nanny are her prime influences.  Again, it seems our mind created Thelma so we never have to live without these people.  Mrs. Chaffee has been dead for 18 years, and my grandmothers are slowing eeking downhill, so my mind has Thelma as a permanent reminder of all the older folks I have known and loved.

Old Jack, the "dead father" personality….this takes some explaining.  He is, obviously, based on my Daddy.  Since Daddy is dead, we kind of see Old Jack as the dead one who throws in his opinion sometimes.  Mostly, Old Jack leaves us alone, but we’ve learned from him, too, as he really is Daddy made over again.  So Old Jack is "the dead personality" who haunts upon occasion.

Barbara is easy to identify.  She is my Mama idealized.  ALL my mother’s good qualities with none of the bad.  She is slightly older than Mama really is, which I’m not sure how that happened, it just kinda did.  Mama (my real-life out of this body mother) has been our shining light most of our life.  I idolize my mother.  There are a few character traits that I despise, even in my precious Mama, so Barbara is, like Betty, a "corrected", if you will, version of Mama.

Jacky is my son within the body.  This is also easy to figure out, for me.  He is the internalized version of my little brother, Johnny.  Johnny truly does not have many flaws, so Jacky is a "barely adjusted" version of Johnny.  I’ve always relied so much on my baby brother’s strength and belief, so apparently, my mind decided there HAD to be a "Johnny" inside, too, thus was born Jacky.  Johnny, my real-life brother, is very confident and knows himself quite well.  He is not intimidated by other people, and most people like him.  I hope the same can be said for Jacky.  The reason he is my son inside my mind is that I always felt more like Johnny’s parent than his big brother.  Betty is my sister inside my body, just as Mary Helen is our sister outside, in real-life.

Louis is remarkably like I was at ages 5-8.  I do not know his exact age, as he will never say it, but I suspect he’s at least 8 years old.  He is the youngest person inside me, as far as I know.  He handles fear, most of the time, but not always in such a good way.  He’s obviously petulant and childish sometimes, but it’s easy for me to understand that.  Since Betty has a strong maternal streak (boy, is THAT understated!!!), she is Louis’s mother….Oscar’s, too, it turns out.

Oscar is the one we’ve called "the angry teenager" in previous entries.  He sounds grown until he reaches his breaking point.  After he breaks, he sound a lot like Louis.  Yes, our voice changes for each one of us.  It’s not done on purpose, it just happens.  Oscar is also the psychotic person within us.  He distrusts women deeply, because he feels they always fail to protect their children, and he’s always convinced that men will kill us.  Apparently, what damage was done to us as a teenager by Mama still lives on in Oscar, though we’re working on that.  When Oscar goes psychotic, it can get really ugly and really scary.  He is a destroyer.  He breaks things, beats things into the wall, and we best pray that we don’t happen upon a mirror when he’s angry.  When he sees the face in the mirror, he REALLY goes ballistic.  That’s when the cutting and head-banging starts.

I don’t know exactly on whom Piers is based.  Bill was an experiment, actually.  We decided that since Peter (in My Mikey’s body) didn’t have a mate within us, we would try, using mind power, to change Barbara to a man for him.  Well, I believe that our mind is a very strong instrument, so I thought we could "transform" one that was already existing within.  Not so.  Bill is a slightly rougher version of Mama, because he is a direct split off of Barbara.  In essence, you could say that Bill is Barbara’s male twin, even though they are not the same age.  Bill does not really have a temper, exactly, but he’ll cuss and is a little more relaxed about some other things than Barbara can be.  For example, Barbara is completely asexual.  Bill is not.  He was brought about with the intention of being coupled with Peter, so he can accept what I call dirty talk, jokes, and the actual deed with more of a human response.  Barbara does not think in terms of sex.  Bill CAN, though he often does not.</p

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Hermy – the real Herman, if you will – is a perpetual clown.  He never gets down and depressed, like I do, and like Betty and Piers do.  He finds humor in everything, and he is quite silly most times.  I suppose that is why I, Jack, handle things, because I can be serious OR silly, whatever the situation calls for.  Hermy doesn’t seem to have that capability.

So that means there are ten of us with one "ghost" type inside.  Ten solid people, and one that kind of haunts us occasionally.  That would be Old Jack.

The normal way we switch…..

When I get intimidated, frightened, or depressed about a situation, Betty comes out to deal with the CAUSE of my intimidation, fright, or depression.  Just like my real-life sister, Mary Helen, Betty steps up to bat and defends me.  When that fails, Louis steps up for his mother.  Louis often cries, but the boy is intelligent, and he can make his points even while afraid sometimes.  The dangerous part of the chain is when Louis does not make progress.  Oscar comes out.  Oscar feels that nobody paid any attention to me, Betty, or Louis, and he is VERY angry and hostile when this is the situation.  Oscar fights HARD, and this can easily lead to a psychotic fugue.  We’re working hard on changing that, as it is VERY destructive of us.

The others have triggers that we haven’t fully identified.  Well, to purposely bring Jacky out, Louis has a rhyme, which I know, too.  "Jacky great, Jacky good, Jacky do just what we should".  It’s cute, but, more importantly, we’ve realized that flattery is the key to awakening Jacky and bringing him forth.  He is the most solid of us, in most situations, so he is really our rescuer, but we have to PURPOSELY bring him out, most times.  The others come and go apparently as they please.  Barbara takes over after Oscar’s fit, to try to fix things and comfort anyone who was hurt by Oscar.  Thelma mainly stays inside to direct and sometimes correct, but sometimes comfort us, all from within the mind.

I hope this didn’t confuse the hell out of you, Persona.  I guess if it did, I can certainly understand.  You can also understand how badly confused it can get ME sometimes, since I don’t fully understand everyone in here yet.

I’m glad you asked about it.  I’ve been trying to come up with a reason to write about it (Jacky just said, "And you need a reason….WHY?").

If you have ANY questions, I’ll gladly answer them.

Lots of love,

Jack and Mikey