Father’s Day without a father

 

My Mikey, I love you

∞ • π³ + 1

 

I wasn’t thinking along these lines just a bit ago, but a friend asked for people to leave comments on her MySpace page with favorite father memories.  Even though I wondered if it was wise for me to do it, I did it.

I don’t have a father anymore, and sometimes it weighs on me more than other times.  I think I’ll call and tell Mama to tell Wayne Happy Father’s Day for me.  It would probably do no good….I don’t know.

I haven’t heard from our daughters yet.  Truthfully, I don’t expect to hear from Elisabeth.  I do think Tiffany will call.  If Tiffany doesn’t, I know that it is because she was very busy and forgot to call, and that will be okay.  I know she loves her Dad!  I wish I felt that secure about Elisabeth.

It’d be great if the kidlets were with Tiffany, and I got to talk to them.  It’s not Wednesday, though, so I doubt she has them with her.  Even if she does, they will probably keep her pretty busy.  I don’t hold it against her when she can’t call and let us talk to the grandkids.  Hell, it’s a marvel to me that Tiffany even LIVES her life, much less that she does it so well.

I know it may sound strange to some, but I’m so proud of Tiffany for admitting that she is an alcoholic.  I’m not proud that she HAS a problem, so don’t take this the wrong way.  I’m proud that she’s FACING the problem, and I know with all my heart that she will prevail over it.  That is just the way my daughter is!  She is so much to be proud of, too, and I love her and admire the hell out of her.

I’m no one’s judge.  I can’t judge Tiffany for her drinking, especially because I’ve done battle with the bottle, too.  Even moreso, though….I am not God.  I am her father.  It is my job to be supportive, not condemning.  If anyone were to make her feel ashamed of herself for having a problem, they best be ready to deal with Dad!!!!!  She doesn’t deserve condemnation.  She deserves love, support, and the best damned treatment program available to her.  That’s my baby we’re talking about, and I believe that my children deserve the best they can have.  Yes, even Elisabeth.

Elisabeth…..what a tough situation.  I know why she has problems with us.  I also know why she should drop some things and give her mother a chance.  She doesn’t know, and apparently is in no hurry to find out, how much her mother has changed in the past year and a half.  She doesn’t know how much her mother misses her.  She doesn’t know how often My Mikey will cry because he feels rejected by his own child.  All she knows is that she has been hurt by her mother.  I don’t deny that, because I need to be honest.  Yes, My Mikey has hurt Elisabeth, emotionally.  That does not give Elisabeth the right to do it back, though.  I speak from experience on this note.  When I was a teenager, I hurt my mother ON PURPOSE on a regular basis, because I felt she hurt me.  Well, she DID hurt me, but that never made it ok for me to hurt her back.  She wasn’t hurting me on purpose.  I was PUNISHING her.  Sometimes I regret that so much, but I guess I wouldn’t change it if I could, because it taught me a very important lesson.

Happy Father’s Day to you fathers and mother-and-father-all-in-one combos.

Love,

Jack