Fair advice sought

My Mikey, I love you

∞ • π³ + 1

We went to John’s house again tonight. Again, I’m left questioning myself. What is it I truly feel? Why do I still feel so much love for John when I’m a married man….and so is he!!!!! Is this wrong, or is it "normal" to feel such strong feelings for someone I was once so deeply in love with?

Tonight, we drank again. That’s pretty much a given, at John’s. We had a great time, but at one point, something happened that made me wonder what the fuck is wrong with me. We were talking about religion (bad idea!), and John confided to us that he’d been molested by a Pentacostal preacher once, while he was supposed to be being baptised.

A bit later, he said something again about that particular religion and his father. When he said the word "Pentacostal", I saw raw fear in his eyes, and it broke my heart. I wanted so badly to hold him, hug him, and tell him it was ok. I wouldn’t let anyone hurt him again. I will protect him. Is this wrong?

After all of this, we proposed toasts to each other over shots of something I didn’t recognize. When it was John’s turn, he clicked Julie’s glass and said, "To open minds". He clicked my glass and said, "To great people". I felt so good that he’d say that about me. I wanted to giggle and scream because he, who has always meant so much to me, said I was a great person.

But am I even decent?

My Mikey, I love you forever times PI cubed plus one,

Your Jack

Mangocitrus

August 18, 2006

I don’t think you’re a bad person for feeling that way about John. and I think you are a great person. It’s always hard to accept things when we don’t see them ourselves. *hugs*

Phoenix poet

I wish I had something really intelligent to say, but I’ve been sick for the past week or so, so my brain is barely functioning at this point. However, I thought I remembered reading something about you not wanting to hang out with him anymore? I have noticed that hanging out with John does seem to have an impact on you drinking, which doesn’t seem like a good thing. Lots of hugs and kisses to you and Mikey, David and I miss talking to you guys! John R.S. (Just thought I’d differentiate myself from the John in the entry)

david.

OF COURSE YOU’RE DECENT!!!! You’re a great guy! I don’t know what to tell you about still having feelings for John. I’ve been there before and it’s hard, but unfortunately, I think you have to find your own way. I possibly have an idea, but I dont want to put it here. Maybe if I ever see you on Yahoo again, I’ll tell you about it. 😛 Lots of hugs to you and Mikey, david. PS. My sister’s going to be okay. She had to go back for another CAT scan, because she had a spot of blood on her brain, but it hadn’t grown, so she’s going to be okay. It was scary for a while though. david.

August 19, 2006

RYN: I saw that. Sorry we missed you! I’ve been a little on the extra deaf side lately, I haven’t been hearing ANYTHING lately. I’ll be sure to hug everyone for you (next time I see them) and I’ll have John hug me, since I can’t for the life of me figure out how to effectively hug myself. Lots of hugs and kisses to you and Mikey, david. PS. WE MISS TALKING TO YOU GUYS!!!!