Dump me in the garbage can

 

My Mikey, I love you

∞ • π³ + 1

It’s where I belong, because garbage is what I am.

Because I don’t have a job, don’t support my spouse and children and grandchildren, and cannot afford medical treatment of any kind that I’d actually have to PAY for….I am so ashamed of myself.  I hate myself for being the way I am; afraid of everything.

My Goldie Girly is dead.  Bandit Baby probably will be soon, if she isn’t already.  I couldn’t pay to take them to the vet or to the pound, either one.

If not for SSI, I couldn’t pay our bills, our rent, anything.

And to think, I’ve been taking up space on this planet for almost 31 fucked-up years.  My stupid birthday is in five more days, and I don’t even care right now.  It’s only a reminder of how long I’ve been here to mess things up.

Nobody answers my e-mails or phone calls.  Nobody comes by just to say hello.  Nobody wants anything to do with me but My Mikey.  Yes, he’s my personal blessing.  I don’t want to drag him down with me, though.

Somebody shoot me, please.

Jack

 

Log in to write a note
May 16, 2006

Nobody wants anything to do with you but Mikey huh. I see how it is. Okay, now you’ve gotten me into dad mode. YOU ARE NOT A WASTE OF SPACE! And I don’t want to hear you talk like that again young man. Everyone has hard times. David and I had to borrow $3000 from his mother, send two kids to live with David’s ex wife, and had to live with someone else’s parents. Talk about pathetic.

May 16, 2006

My point was everyone goes through things like that, and eventually, you’ll be able to look back and say “hey remember when we went through all of that horrible crap?” And you’ll be amazed at how distant of a memory it is. Now, I don’t want to hear you say your worthless ever again. I love you, David loves you, Mikey loves you, and I know the rest of your family does as well. Lots of hugs, John

May 16, 2006

John’s right. LOts of love to you and Mikey, david.

May 17, 2006

hate to say it but john is SOOOOOOOOOOO right. just two years ago I felt the same way you do…i am younger by 10 years but that ain’t the point. I felt I was worthless and didn’t belong here and now two years later I’m looking back having a hard time believing it happen…that’s right…things will get better, you’re not worthless and anything else you said.

May 17, 2006

just hang in there. you’ll break surface soon and the water will be below you. I know how it feels when you feel like you’re under water forever….things turn around at some point. just keep hope.

May 17, 2006

RYN: “Me against the world” been there done that. Love you and Mikey, John

May 17, 2006

And since frigging when am I nobody. Yes you have Thelma hopping mad with this one. You do not belong in a garage can and Thelma said to cut the dramatics. You are supporting your spouse with your SSI. You are paying bills and rent. You are not gambling it, using it to buy drugs or booze and you are trying to make it. So quit being so hard on yourself.

May 17, 2006

Yeah I meant Velma. She is mad at this garage can entry and is thinking you should stop downing yourself, before she whips your butt.