Donkeys can’t drive, but this jackass sure can

 

 

 

 

 

My Mikey, I love you

 

∞ • π³ + 1

 

 

 

 

 

Good news!

Nanny has bought us a 1993 Saturn SL2 (I THINK that’s the model…SL2…not sure).

It’s in Austin right now, waiting on us to insure, register, inspect, and pick it up.  All that has been made possible by the surprising (but very welcome, of course) generosity of my grandmother.  Actually, it doesn’t really surprise me very much at all.  She’s ALWAYS been that way, which makes her very difficult to understand.

Nanny is my chief abuser, in many ways.  Through the years, she has put me down, told me what a whore my mother was, criticized every move anyone in my family made, referred to my family as "your mother’s family", and called every single one of my friends a bitch or a bastard who was just using me.  Naturally, I’m the unloveable.  Nobody but Nanny can love me, see?  I know better, but that’s how she’s been.

So throw in a great deal of monetary generosity, and what do you have?  A BIG FUCKING ENIGMA, THAT’S WHAT!!!!!!

Nanny told me yesterday that she’d make sure "Larry" (Mikey) knows that this car is for ME, not for her.  That puts aside the values that My Mikey and I share for our marriage, so I’ll just ignore Nanny on that one.  What’s mine is My Mikey’s.  I hate that I apparently HAVE to put the Saturn in my name.  Mikey doesn’t have a valid Texas ID yet (SHAME on us!), and I’m not sure how easy or hard it would be to put it in his name, that way.

Nanny also told me that she didn’t want "Larry" to think "she" could just take the car and go to California.  Nanny informed me that I had told her myself that I was afraid of that happening.  She said, "You remember?!!!!"

Well, yes I remember, but I didn’t say exactly what she meant.  What I DID say was that I, like probably EVERY married man, have moments of doubt that my spouse will take off someday, leaving me alone again.  I know now that that was a BIG mistake to tell Nanny something like that.  I should have known she’d find a way to twist it and hold it against my spouse.

MH and I were both on the phone (3-way call) when Nanny said that, and I responded that I did remember but that Nanny was twisting what I had said.  MH butted in with, "Ok, I have to go, and if I hang up, it will cut us all off!"  I laughed, later.

My family is crazy.  So what?!  It’s still my family, good or bad (or ugly as sin!).  I thought it pretty funny how my sister attempted to keep the peace between Nanny and me, though.  It worked fairly well.  Like a good little boy, I thanked Nanny for the car.  Well, I SHOULD have, anyway.  It’s only the polite and right thing to do.  I didn’t feel much like doing it just after she insulted my wife, though!

You know, I was tempted to change the word "wife".  I’m leaving it, though.  It’s just a freakin’ word, people!  Get over it!!!!

Oh yeah, I have a story to tell on My Mikey when I have the energy to tell it.  Basically, when he was talking to me about a friend of mine that he doesn’t like, he accidentally assigned himself to the wrong spouse.

Ok, I have the energy.

My friend Jerry always tries to get me to work on his webpage, and he never pays me for it or anything.  I don’t really mind that, because I wouldn’t know what to charge, anyway.  Mikey, however, hates that I "work for free".  So, when I was talking to Jerry the other night, Mikey said, "If he tries to get you to work on that damned webpage, tell him he has to take it up with his wife!"  Then it hit him what he had said, and he said, "YOUR wife, not his!!!!!!"

I laughed my ass off!

Somehow, that ass grew back, damnit!

Kisses and hugs to everyone who deserves them.  Big raspberries to any meanies out there!

Love,

Jack