Documentation I – with update now

Proving it, bit by bit……

 

 

I, Betty, am documenting something on Piers’ behalf.  His blaze is already extinguished, for now, but it needs to be documented, for all our sakes.

We just dropped Mikey and Lola off at Hillcrest Hospital.  That has us feeling guilty, though I am about to drop the guilt, because he said it was okay, and I believe him.  I will FORCE myself to believe him, because he said the word "yes" when asked if it was okay for us to come home.

Piers is angry, as usual.  We have purposely restrained him from having his say, and it is taking a toll on all of us within.  This does not seem to occur to anyone outside of us, so it needs documentation, obviously.

Lola, since I’m sure you’ll read this :  He IS angry with you for the stunt you pulled on the porch earlier.  It may not seem like much to you, but it really upset him, in particular, because Mikey was in pain again and you were dragging your feet, almost literally.  You looked through OUR mail while baby-stepping around the porch, instead of bringing it to us, as you were supposed to do.  I understand, and so does Piers, that you might have been looking for mail that belonged to you.  The proper way to handle it, as if you didn’t know by now, was to get the mail, come back to the car, give it to us, and let us give you your mail.  You know we won’t open it.  That is one hard and fast rule within each of us….you don’t open someone else’s mail without permission.  You are aware of this rule, as we have fought about it.  Ordinarily, Piers would not have blown a gasket over this, but we were bloating from food, Mikey’s head was hurting MUCH worse, and you were lollygagging around, wasting time for all of us.  Thereby, you prolonged the amount of time each of us had to BE in pain.

I suggest everyone tread lightly, whereas the screaming and yelling is concerned.  We have held him back purposely, but he is extremely upset by that, as well, and he CAN shove us aside if he gets angry enough.  You have seen Piers in a rage – it is scary as all hell.  Please do your best NOT to trigger one!

If Piers fails, we have observed enough of our own mechanics to know that Oscar takes over.  Oscar goes psychotic if he is angry enough.  That is when the verbal tearing down comes into play, and also when he begins to cut himself….MY wrists, MY body, MY head….because HIS body is MY body, too.  I don’t appreciate being sliced and diced, and you WILL pay a price if that happens because you couldn’t back down.  I’m sorry if that’s wrong, yet I’m also tired of taking everyone’s crap.

Also, it may not make sense to you, because you are not the one who deals with the consequences…..

When Oscar goes psychotic, he rages about how men will kill him and how he hates women, and they all deserve to suffer.  I am a woman.  I know I am in a male body, but I am a woman, and a LARGE degree of this hatred gets vented my direction.  One night, he said he wished he could strangle me and rub my dead body in Hank’s face.  He also said he wanted to cut Jack’s throat for being such a pussy.  That is the way HE worded it, not I.  This is scary, even though to DO all those things, he would be mutilating himself, too……does he mind mutilating himself?  No, he PREFERS IT!!!!!!

You see the box we’re in?  The box we’re trying like hell to get out of?!!!  Do you see that until we can change Piers’ attitude and Oscar’s actions and attitude, we are locked in place with the consequences?  Guess what, sugar…..YOU are locked into place with them, as well.  This is why it is IMPERATIVE that you moderate yourselves as much as we are trying to do with ourselves.  It is for the entire household’s safety, not just ours.

Lola, I am pleading with you.  Don’t give up!  You’re making progress, sweetie!!!!!!  If you see the warning signs, as you’ve gotten rather sharp at doing, PLEASE back off and let one of us who are grown deal with the situation….preferably NOT Piers.  The chain of command is very VERY hard to stop once it’s progress starts.  Piers is ready to break loose and have his say, and I’m fighting against that with all my might!  Please, y’all!  I’m desperate, and I don’t like admitting this.  I’m terrified of what COULD lay on the line if something isn’t done.  I am pleading with you (and Hank, my darling) to help.

I love you all so very much.

Betty

 

 

 

2:22pm

What fun we had after writing last time.  Immediately after Betty wrote that, we went into a coughing fit, complete with gagging, wretching, and vomiting.  For fifteen minutes, we could not stop vomiting.

Note for Hank and Lola, in particular :

Now that is has finally started being physically dangerous for us to get so upset, this WILL change.  I am fed up with suffering from others’ actions, and I won’t take it anymore.

Usually, I back down, crying.  Not this time, babes!  I am standing my ground, and I will when I pick you up from the hospital, as well.  I refuse to put up with the constant sniping and yelling anymore.  It may very well be the Protonix that is making me feel so worn out, even on top of the vomiting, but I don’t care.  I’m worn out AGAIN.  My Mikey is in pain, I’m once again exhausted, so we have to behave.  That, or I will flat-out leave the house.  I will walk somewhere.  Once I get there, I will probably sit down and cry, but I won’t stay here with all the bickering and tension.  NO FUCKING WAY!  Goddamnit, if my own home is to be a battleground, then I fucking well surrender and retreat from the war.

Fight it your damn selves!  You’re grown, so if you want to fight, you deal with the consequences…one of which will be my walking out the door, coming home only when I feel physically and emotionally fit.

My Mikey, I’m sorry.  I’m very very sorry.  I hope Hank can control himself better.  If not, maybe he needs to walk (with no fucking pill bottles), too.

<font face="Monotype Corsiva" color="#ff6600"

size=”5″>Lola, you really are cooperating better.  So is Hank.  I’m not minimizing progress….certainly not.  I’m merely stating that I have to protect myself.  No one but I can do that, obviously, so I will do just that.

My Mikey, I love you forever times PI cubed plus one,

Your Jack