Dear Wayne

Dear Wayne,

As if you deserve to be called "dear" anything! You and I have got to straighten out some things. My mother’s well-being is at stake here, and it seems as if you don’t CARE about that. No doubt, you’ll want to project it right back at me. I don’t deny that I have been a contribution to her mental deterioration. You, however, would rather DIE than blame yourself, and I almost wish you WOULD!!!!!!!!!

In 1968, you had her, but you, oh stupid one, let her go. That freed HER obligation to your engagement. Whether you ever got over her or not is not her problem, nor is it mine. But no, you had to show up in 1978, when she was married with three fucking children, and tell her how undying your love was and how you wanted to be with her and only her. BULLSHIT! I might believe it was true, but it’s still bullshit to tell her that when she was married, and HAPPILY married!

It was all going decently well until 1989. What, do you fucking strike every ten or eleven years?!!!! The paranoid part of me used to think you arranged my father’s death, conveniently staged as an accident, of course. I know that’s not so, now. 1989 and 1990 changed my life forever. AND FOR THE WORSE, you miserable sonofabitch!!!!!!

What gave you the right to come waltzing back into her life and completely fucking take over it? What gave you the right to take over ME?! Why did you despise me, basically on sight? What did I do to you? You have apparently told Mama that it’s several things. I’m gay. Big fucking whoop! I disrespected my mother, as a teen. Big fucking whoop! Did you respect your mother when you were out doing drugs and getting your wives hooked on them, too? Did you HONOR your mother? Are YOUR days supposed to be long upon this Earth? If so, I want one of us off of it!!!!!!!

You don’t honor MY mother, you stupid bastard! You would think that with your track record of five or six previous marriages, you might have learned how NOT to treat a wife, but apparently, you’re too brain-damaged to figure it out. If it weren’t MY MOTHER you were fucking up, I’d say that was y’all’s problem, but it IS my mother, and I HATE YOU for messing up her life and anyone’s you come into contact with!

Why didn’t you ever hold yourself to the standards you held me to? Why was it okay for you to make a teenage boy’s life total hell for occasionally sassing or disrespecting his mother, while you didn’t even try to SEE your own mother?!!!!!! Your mother was nice to everyone else, so what would make me think she wasn’t to you? What was your excuse? Why is it any different? AND WHY DO YOU STILL HOLD A GRUDGE FOR SHIT THAT HAPPENED 20 FUCKING YEARS AGO, WHEN I’VE TRIED TO MEND ANY FENCE I BROKE!!!!!!!!!!

I could maybe understand if I were like Nanny. Never admitting I was in the wrong. Never saying I’m sorry. Never being a good person, overall. But I’ve admitted how wrong I was. I’ve said I’m sorry until I was blue in the face! I’ve TRIED to be a good person, even though I’ve often failed. You, on the other hand, don’t even fucking TRY to be good, do you? DO YOU?!!!!!

Make it better for her or you can drop dead. You’ve put me into a position where I feel I have to abandon my own mother now, to maintain peace, and I hate you for that. I love you and hate you at the same time. Just like Daddy. So maybe you HAVE become my father.

She can’t tell me anything that’s going on in her life without your bitching and moaning that she "tells me all her problems". SO FUCKING WHAT IF SHE DOES?! I’m her SON, you know? I was raised hearing the sentence, "I’m not only your mother, I’m also your best friend." WHY ISN’T THAT VALID ANYMORE? Who says it’s not?! You? Again, so fucking what!

But now I have to surrender, with extreme prejudice. I hope when you get old, I’m left in charge of you. Oh, I would LOVE that now. I’d be the one who CHOSE whether or not you took your blood pressure meds, your blood sugar meds, your water pills, your hydrocodone (JUNKIE!), and whatever other meds you’re on now! You want to see a power trip? You just THINK you have it made right now. Just you wait! Just you fucking wait!

I couldn’t do that to you, though. I’m a better person than you are. Shit, if you were medically in charge of me, I’d probably be left to die. If I were in charge of you, the stupid thing is, I’D FUCKING TAKE CARE OF YOU! WHY SHOULD I?!!!!!!!!

Pray for thine enemies. Ok.