Bitter, party of one…

I am getting AWFULLY tired of people yelling at me, telling me everything is my fault, and holding me responsible for things that aren’t my doing. 

People can’t expect to have me smile at them as they stomp what little hope I can muster, at any given time, into tiny pieces on the ground. I don’t work that way. 

What’s WRONG with trying to find a bright side? I am an angry person, by nature, so when I’m trying to find the GOOD in a situation, don’t be a fucking moron. LET ME focus on the positive.

Since I missed my last appointment with the pulmonologist, which was ALL MY FAULT, too…it really was, but I don’t need people harping on it, when I know the shit myself…I am beginning to hope that when I DO see him/her, at last, they’ll tell me I’ll be dead within thirty days.

I mean, I must be a HORRIBLE example for my children, because I have the audacity to praise their good points, rather than harp on their bad points. This world seems to WANT me to tell my kids they’re rotten, and I won’t fucking do it! People did that to me all my life, and look at me now…a big fucking WASTE of time and space. I won’t have that done to my children. If the world can’t stand my being supportive, then they can kiss my ass.

And how wrong am I to try to take care of myself, now that I’m getting so damned exhausted all the time, before I try to take care of anyone else. I won’t do any good if I DON’T take care of myself.  Friggin’ idiots.

Don’t ever tell someone, "You’re wrong. You’re wrong. You’re wrong" unless you’re willing to tell them how to be RIGHT, goddamnit. If you can’t help me stop being wrong, then just shut your fucking mouth. I don’t NEED OR WANT anyone telling me shit I already hear nonstop in my own mind. 

Think it’s easy to know what a fuckup I am, make efforts to change it, only to get sick, then have everything fall apart? I already hated myself. Don’t add to the problem. I really don’t understand people, and I really wish I could stop BEING a person. People are nasty, ugly, mean creatures.