Battle of wills

 

My Mikey, I love you

∞ • π³ + 1

We’ve been having a major battle of wills, lately.  Let me attempt to explain…..

For the past few weeks, we’d been in Henderson, Texas, staying with my cousin Sherry, her husband, and their three children.  We were happy to find a doctor that actually listened to My Mikey and paid attention to what his complaints were.

After a week or so of constant search, we had only found ONE possibility of a place to live on the first of the month of November.  It would have been what they referred to as a kitchenette unit, which is a small building that has a refrigerator, stovetop, sink, and bathroom.  There was a small water heater, too.  It would be $135 weekly for a couple, though if we paid at one time, the manager said he’d give some kind of discount.
All was well, at that point.

Enter the family.

A few days ago, after much discussion about the evils of my family (I discussed them, too), we got a call from Mama.  She informed me that Maria had moved away from the house in Waco, and that we were welcome to come back and stay there right then.

This excited me.  After bitching about how my family would just "let me suffer, because it wasn’t them", I felt that God had worked on us all and provided this chance for my family to help us and make things better.

Well, it didn’t go well with my spouse.  I don’t think he realizes the extent of it, but he obsessed HARD about the doctor, saying that that was the main reason he didn’t want to leave Henderson.

I understand that.  I understand wanting to be better…to feel well after a long time of NOT doing that.  Hello, I’d like to be well-balanced mentally!

We fought for two to three days, with no compromise whatsoever.  It was always getting to the point that one of us would completely surrender.  I didn’t want that, because that leaves room to culture (as in grow) hostility for use in the future, on either of our parts.

This may not seem fair, but I made a decision for us, by myself.

Since I had let Mikey make the big decisions since our marriage, I made this one.  We would go back to Waco.

It wasn’t over yet.  He guilt-tripped the hell out of me, when all I wanted to do was put a roof over our heads.  He obsessed nonstop about the doctor, and how he’d finally felt HOPE again with this doctor.

That hurt me, because I know what it’s like to have your hopes built up only to be dashed.  I TRIED to tell him I’d take care of him and help him explain things to the doctors here, until we can move back to East Texas.  He SAYS he trusts me, but I just don’t feel that he does.  One thing really convinced me that something is horribly wrong with us.

After another phone call from MH, just after Mikey and I had finished arguing and getting hysterical with each other again, My Mikey told me to tell MH we’d go….so I did.

Then Mikey took a walk.  With two pockets filled with pills.

I went to pieces.  NOT AGAIN, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!

I love my spouse more than anyone or anything in the world, and I was hurt plus FURIOUS that he’d go to that length all because he wanted his way.  Spoiled rotten….but I made him that way.

I know this doesn’t paint a pretty picture, but it’s what I see right now.  I’ve spoiled

my husband until he no longer seems to care what’s best for us for me….just what’s best for him.  I think we’ll be able to work this through, though.

He’s told me in the recent past that he worries he’ll try to push me away, out of fear.  We’ve had the longest relationship either of us has EVER had, and it scares us, sometimes.

That’s my belief for what is going on now.  I think he’s trying to push me away.  I don’t think it’s being done on purpose, but I do think it’s being done.

Well, back up, punk, because I’m not going anywhere without you!!!!!

I love you, My Mikey Baby, and we WILL work this out.  We pledged, promised, and swore to it, and I don’t take that lightly.  So treat me as you will.  You’ll get over that, and we’ll move on.

BTW, the pill walk incident….that FORCED our hand to come to Waco.  Sherry kicked us out.

All that fighting, and we did what I felt was right, anyway.

Why did we fight so much?

It will work out.  I believe that with all my heart.  I’m not weak, and I’m not a quitter.  I married this person, and I will stick it out through this, which appears to be part of the "worse" which was included in our wedding vows.

Onward and upward.

Love,

Jack

p.s.  I was NOT nice while My Mikey and I fought.  I called names, accused my spouse of not REALLY loving me, pushed, pulled, prodded, and mentally beat the crap out of both of us. 
We’re such silly bitches.

J