As if my life isn’t hellish enough already….

This morning, my mother came by, as usual, before she went to work.  Now, I wish she had just gone on to work and left me the hell alone.

She couldn’t be satisfied with a nice, peaceful fucking visit….no, she has to guilt trip me up one side and down the other about how messy the house is.  I’ve come to realize that all these years, when people said to me that I had to take care of myself first, they were lying to me.  One reason the house is so bad is that I have been having really bad troubles with my breathing….no doubt because I smoke like a fucking chimney!

My wife is a semi-invalid who can’t or won’t get up and help me, most of the time, so, once again, everything – including the punishments – falls on MY shoulders.  It’s my fault the house is a wreck.  It’s my fault the papers got done so late.  It’s my fault my wife overdoses on meds.  It’s my fault that Mama’s paranoid.

I can’t do this entry right now.  I’m getting so angry I feel like I’m gonna have a heart attack.