Always seeking profundity

 

My Mikey, I love you

∞ • π³ + 1

I am always seeking profundity…the art of being profound, more or less…yet never really achieving it.  Do you KNOW how frustrating it is to wait for wisdom?  The curse of the young…patience.  I’m twice as old as my daughter Elisabeth, and I’m still so impatient in so many ways.

I have been watching things on YouTube that feature older artists of multiple types.  I can’t wait until the day when someone sees me as wise.  Is that awful?  Am I just being silly to want to be so full of wisdom?  Am I being frivolous in my desires to want to be the one that people turn to because "I have the right answers"?

Being young is not always a picnic, but I try to enjoy it while it lasts.  It is fleeting, moreso than I ever realized before.  It is so fleeting that it scares me half to death sometimes; thinking that my life could be over sooner than I expect.  I realize I’m only in my early 30s, body-wise, yet my own father died at the age of 43.  What if my life is that short?  Am I ready for that?  No.  And that frightens me.  I would like to leave this world at least SEMI prepared, when the day comes.  Here I am just floating on the surface of the lake of life, wondering why I haven’t sunk in and learned yet.  Am I really THAT buoyant?  Maybe so.

Is that a bad thing?  Maybe not.  Maybe I’m SUPPOSED to be the floater.  Maybe I’m supposed to remain frivolous and silly, so that I will thereby also remain FLEXIBLE.  That’s important.  I don’t want the rigidity of mind that often accompanies growth into the older stages of life.  I want to be like Memaw.

Life has been very good to me.  Now the question is, how good have I been to life?

The only one I know of that can answer that question is God, and He ain’t talkin’ right now! 😉

I have been afraid of what has been happening with our daughter lately, but I’ve come to one important conclusion.  At the end of a day, as long as I’m happy that she’s home, no matter what she’s done or how long it took her to do it, and I can look at her and love her as much as I do….and I really DO love her more than I can say…..then those are the important things.

As long as I’m happy to have her home, and I love her, I’m doing the best I can do.  Time is so short.  I had BEST NOT MESS THIS UP!

I love you all so much,

Betty Louise