Accepting myself is hard to do

Lately, I’ve been talking so much about learning to accept myself, not regretting being a highly emotional and very dynamic person….and then I upset two people in one day, unnecessarily. I was hyper-sensitive about one thing that someone I admire very much said, and I made an ass out of myself. I felt so bad that he apologized and justified himself to me, because I was wrong to react the way I did. I’m glad he was willing to do that, but I should not have put him in a position like that.

I also upset a teammate at school. I was writing our summary for the week, getting ready to submit it, and I put that he and I had not been very active in the team this week. He felt that I’d "thrown him under the bus", even though if that is true, I threw myself, too, even asking that any point reduction be taken off ONLY MY grade, not any other team member’s.

The manic side of bipolar can be a lot more fun, at times, but when it catches up to me, I see the way it makes me behave. I am positively ashamed of myself right now. I’m looking up at my diary picture, seeing my beautiful grandson, and I’m wondering what in the HELL I’ll wind up teaching him in life…..not that it appears he needs teaching, really. He is very well-put-together, just like his Tante Elisabeth.

Ugh, I don’t like me sometimes.

R: No need to apologize to me, either. It was a simple misunderstanding. We cleared it up. No problem, no worries. 🙂

You have no reason to be ashamed of yourself, especially for things that are beyond your control – and bipolar disorder certainly counts. ryn: It does indeed sound like your wife and I have a few things in common. My inbox is always open to anyone who needs a place to vent about such things.

ryn: I am sorry to hear that your family has gone through such a hard time. They are very lucky that they have you to talk to about it. For me personally, sometimes talking is the best therapy. Things like that are things that people usually keep quiet about, and when you keep quiet the pressure of it seems to build up more and more. So yes, you are doing great listening to them.