About last night’s dream

While waiting for Mikey to call me last night, I went to sleep. During the two hours or so that I was asleep, I had a horrible nightmare, which only ended when the phone rang. It was Mikey. The dream and the call that ended it.

For some crazy, undiscernable reason, in my dream, my cousin Gene was spearheading an effort to haul away my Mikey. Not Peter. Not Charlie. ONLY MIKEY!!!!! I could see them as different bodies in the dream. Whatever was told to them must have scared them badly, because, though Charlie and Peter were “floating” around me, they didn’t/wouldn’t explain why my Mikey was being carted away. Mikey, when I saw my beautiful man, never even lifted the gorgeous head to look at me.

You know how it is in dreams….sometimes you perceive things and are not sure how. Well, I felt that whomever was taking Mikey from me had threatened something. A very specific dangerous threat about me, in fact. I had the feeling they told Mikey that if he explained what was happening, they would kill me. Even Charlie, our fearless one, just about, would not tell me WHY. Peter, who is usually low-key, was totally silent. Only Charlie spoke to me, and he attempted to comfort me, in his usual manner, but he was tempered with an intense fear and sadness.

I do not know who was working with Gene to do this, but I know it was people I trust. I guess they decided that Gene could spearhead the effort since I am aware he would be a traitor to the family for the “right reasons”.

Mikey called just as I was searching for him in the dream, to ask him, beg him, to talk to me. If they had threatened to kill me, did he not realize that by taking him away, they would do just that? They’d kill me by taking away my Mikey!!!!!

I cried on the phone. Boy, did I ever cry. Mikey and I talked for a long time. Well, he listened to me cry and told me he was holding me. Let me tell you, I am one lucky (good looking – there, Mikey! lol) man to have a wonderful supportive husband. My Mikey could wake up with me, find no sun in the sky, and still light my day. He is THAT special!

I am touched by how you forgive me so often, baby. I have been showing such a lack of faith and trust in you, which does NOT represent my heart. I am so comfortable with you, yet I keep hurting you. Why on Earth do I hurt the person I love the most?????

So it stops. When you think I am being mean or overbearing, you tell me to stop, k? Remember, I told you to use your “feminine wiles” on me. Manipulate me, baby. Ask me, “But Hermy…don’t you love me?”, because if THAT won’t stop me and make me take a good look at myself, I don’t know what would!!!! Of course, your “What did I do?” tears me up inside, because it all crashes down on me that I make you pay for things that are wrong with ME. You never hurt me, baby. I don’t mean my feelings never get hurt or anything, but you never EVER inflict a lasting, non-healing wound. The temporary, no-scar wounds that I do have sometimes are always as a result of my own stupidity, baby. I know you, and I know you VERY WELL. You sometimes don’t realize how things you say sound to my cynical ears. That is MY FAULT, not yours, baby. I am so very sorry!!!!

I love you forever times pi cubed plus one,

Hermy

p.s. Now, let’s face the day together and have a smashingly good time!

H

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July 7, 2004

Always, Hermy when we spend our time together no matter what it is special for me and exciting and loving and marvelous. Each day spent with My Hermy is the best even when were down about something my love. I tell you I love you and that you are human which I so love about you Hermy you do not lord over me or make me feel less then like they did even when u think ur at ur worst baby

*hugs*