A conversation about Aunt Laurie

On the way to my cousin Lori’s graveside service, I had a talk with my niece and nephew, Juli and Alex, about their Aunt Laurie. I don’t really remember what started it. 

Laurie probably doesn’t think the kids like her, and it’s tough to say whether or not she’s right on that. I think they do, and I KNOW they love her. After all, they don’t really remember much of life before her. She’s been family since they were about to turn 5 and 6. I guess I’m the only one who remembers being 2. 

We got to talking in the limo that is used for pall bearers (Alex was one, too, and they let Juli ride with us). We discussed Aunt Laurie’s drug abuse problem. I told them I had given up fighting it, since everything I did backfired on me. They made a million suggestions, but all I could say was, "Tried it. She found a way around it."

You know how awful that made me feel? First of all that my wife’s problem is so big that THE KIDS know about it? And nobody had to tell them. We may have had to explain it, but they couldn’t help but notice their aunt at SeaWorld, leaning over and drooling in the cafeteria, because she’d popped too much morphine. 

I am pretty convinced she will die of an overdose, eventually, but I also feel pretty goddamned helpless to stop it. What can you do when your spouse loves pills so much? I often feel like she loves them more than she loves me. I think, from time to time, that it would serve her right if I started drinking relentlessly, but all that would do is ENSURE trouble. Besides, I don’t feel like drinking all the time anymore. Something finally lifted that burden from me.

I guess I don’t really have a point…just wanted to document the talk we had. I’m sad.