6/12/04

Daily Grind…

I’m so conflicted with me right now.

Dawn calls, says “let’s go eat”, and, despite the fact that I’m going through a major fucking panic attack, he up and runs. Deserts me. And worse…I call, and what do I hear? The sweetness and warmth totally evaporates when he’s around her.

My heart is screaming at me that I’m more understanding than this. Why won’t the rest of me listen?!!!!!! WHY????????????

I called him and said I love him. I get our codeword back. That’s really annoying me now. He refuses to say he loves me in front of Dawn. I might understand if she were his mistress, but she’s not!!!!!!!!! She’s a lesbian!!!!!!!!!!

He is, at the core, ashamed of me, I guess. Who can fucking blame him? I am, too.

Oh fucking well, I love him anyway.