3:26am – Not up for the whole night

PROVE IT, HERMY……

So I’m guessing that my current mood would be called melancholy?  Did I even spell that correctly?

For some strange reason, I looked up pictures of Jonathan Brandis again.  Don’t know what possessed me to do that.  Just looking at my old friend (not in real life….fairy-tale life) made me feel kinda somber again.

Then I think about My Mikey and what he’s going through right now.   Mother’s Day is coming up.  It would be my wish that he can eventually accept either his role in Mother’s Day or that we have a living mother together now….Sue, my precious Mama.

So it is a time for missing what used to be and is no longer.  Those days come and go.  The main problem is that when My Mikey starts getting sad about Mommy (aka Alicia), I start getting sad about Daddy again.  There seems no way to counteract it.  I’m sure Lola starts getting sad about her Dad again, too.  I wonder if Mama misses her Daddy this way sometimes.  She has to, right?  Common sense would suggest that because she was closer to her Daddy as a child and mostly as an adult that she would feel the loss in these times, too.  I don’t know.  I try to look to her as an example of how to live.  She’s a fine example, in most cases, and I’m blessed to have her as my mother.

Lately, Mary Helen and I have been getting along better.  I don’t like fighting with my sister, so that’s good.  I had some kind of dream when I was asleep earlier…it involved Johnny, my only blood-related brother.  I don’t remember what it was.  It makes me miss my baby brother, though.  He and I almost never talk.  It isn’t that we won’t, just that we don’t.  He is the smart one, though….cut loose with daily connections so as not to get too involved in the family melodrama.  Me, I can’t live without the family.  It’s not all melodrama, and those times are damn worth hanging in for the long haul.

Whatever happened to my idolized baby brother?  He’s still my hero, most ways.  And my sister…..well, that’s a complicated story.

Now I have daughters and grandchildren!  Whod’ve thought?!

It’s late, and I should get to bed, though I have no idea if I can even sleep now.  If I stay up any longer, I’m afraid I’ll start crying.  I don’t want to do that, so…..bed?  I’m’a guessin’.

My Key, My Mikey, I love you forever times PI cubed plus one,

Your Jack

p.s.  Jade Mystique, I haven’t overlooked you.  Thank you for your recent note.  Sometimes it helps more than you’d think to hear the nice words our friends here can leave.

Thank you for sharing in our life,

JLF