3:19am – Quiet thoughts

PROVE IT, HERMY……

So it is Christmas Eve.  Merry Christmas, everybody!

Earlier, while talking to My Mikey, I said something stupid again.  He mentioned that he was coming home because he didn’t want to be homeless.  I got all indignant at that and fired off a comment about how it would be kinda nice if I was at least PART of the reason he wanted to come home.

Here’s the deal :

A lot of times in the past year, My Mikey has justified being with me for a variety of reasons.  I’m talking about the times when I asked him how he put up with me, or the times that I asked him if he was really sure he wanted to be with me, just as a precautionary measure for us.  When I was on that kick about women, and how he should marry one because they seemed so important to him, he would assure me that he didn’t want a woman…..because they blah blah blah.  What I craved hearing was that he didn’t want one because he is gay, happy with that, and wants to be with me.

Well, it is a definite pattern for him to answer with things that I would not say myself.  I know why, though, and I wanted to state it here.

Throughout his life, My Mikey has been taught that whatever HE wanted didn’t truly matter.  If he liked something, it must have been bad, and therefore would have been taken away from him.  I always thought he was exaggerating one point about me to make me feel better….he says I am the first person who really cares about what is best for him.  I don’t understand that.  I mean, I understand that I care about him and what he wants and needs.  What I don’t understand is how I could be the first.  I can’t grasp, in logical terms, how anyone could know this beautiful man and NOT care what he likes, wants, needs, dislikes, doesn’t want, doesn’t need.

He doesn’t want to be with a woman because they feel wrong, they smell bad to him, or any of a million other reasons, he says.  No, he doesn’t want to be with a woman because he is gay and happens to be in love with me.  He chose me, and I am honored that he did.  He is coming home because he can’t stand it there anymore, he doesn’t want to be homeless when they get evicted, etc., he says.  No, he is coming home because he wants the stability that I can provide.  Not financially, unfortunately, but emotionally.  I will never turn my back on him, and he knows this.  He doesn’t want anyone but me because……they’re not me.

I don’t want a woman because I am a gay man, and I am in love with the most perfect man for me – My Mikey.  I want him home because we belong together.  Also, because I’m greedy and want to have him with me.  Also, because I am tired of his being let down where he lives now.  I don’t want anyone but him because….they’re not him.

My Key, what you want DOES matter.  They devalued you, my sweet baby, but those days are gone.  You can emphasize what you want, and you will live just fine.  If we have a difference of opinion, you already know how to woo me to your side, so DO IT!!!!  🙂

I believe in you, My Mikey.  I support you in every move you make.  I cherish you, as everyone in your life should, but if they are too ignorant to do so, I’ll make up for it!!!!

I’m no hero, obviously, but I know what REAL love is.  It is what we share, baby.  We always will share it.

I love you forever times PI cubed plus one,

Your HermyJack