2:13am – Late ramblings

PROVE IT, HERMY……

Am I hateful?

I just posted an apology to LoneStarLostBoy on here.  I had left him some rather terse notes, and, though I still agree with what I said, I feel I should have been kinder with it.

What has happened to me to cause me to react so badly to people who are different from me?  I hardly think I’m perfect, so it can’t be that….

A lifetime of "I don’t know how pipple can liff like dess", perhaps.  Nanny, as much as I love her, has left me with such a small sense of self-worth.  The things Daddy said and did seem insignificant by comparison.

So how am I going to change this bitterness into something productive?  I have no clue, but it must be done.  For everyone’s sake.

I’m not exactly depressed, just….introspective, I guess.  Looking inside myself, trying to figure out the big questions….Who am I?  What am I?  Why am I as I am?  Do I help people by existing?  Has my life really been wasted?

God, I hope it hasn’t been wasted.  More than anything, I want to be a productive member of the world population.  I long to be a good husband, a good father, a good son, a good brother, a good uncle, and a good grandfather.

Am I?

I wish I could say with some degree of honesty that I am a good all of the above, but I cannot say that, because I don’t really know the answers.

If life made sense and were easy, I suppose it would not be worthwhile.  Maybe.

My Mikey, I love you forever times PI cubed plus one,

Your Jack

p.s.  The new profile picture on here is My Mikey and me on our wedding day.

JLF