1:56pm – After a long night

PROVE IT, HERMY……

Here I am, awake.  Charlie was out last night, because I hurt Mikey’s feelings and he shrank away.  I did it this time, not Betty.  I told Mikey I was afraid he would die before I ever even got to meet him.  Now, folks, anybody with half a brain would have known better than to say a thing like that to a man as sensitive as My Mikey.

Charlie and Hermy had a nice night until the power went out in the condo….Charlie’s home.  None of us responds well to the dark.  I have been terrified of the dark since I was a child….among so many other fears.

Charlie was talking on the cordless phone, and it eventually gave out on us.  He went into a panic attack, and when the phone cut him off, Hermy went into a panic attack, too.

Early this morning, as they were talking, Hermy and Charlie decided to make love.  Well, I surfaced after it was over and made a horrid mistake.  I called Charlie Mikey.  I know that hurt his feelings.  It’s just so much of a habit to say Mikey all the time, you know?  Poor Charlie probably feels very unappreciated.  If he could somehow feel what Hermy feels for him.  Hell, what ALL OF US feel for him.  Just because he is not my chosen partner doesn’t mean I don’t love him, for I certainly do love our Charlie.  I was very sleepy after the lovemaking session, though.  I don’t know why I surfaced, but I called him Mikey, and then I retreated and let Hermy back out before I did some major damage.

Just a while ago….less than half an hour now….Stacy and Lola came banging hard on the front door.  No advance calll or anything to announce their arrival.  Well, I was sleeping, so this was not a pleasant way to wake up.  Stacy damn near knocked the door down as hard as she was knocking!!!!

She had told me last week that maybe she could give me gas money on Friday.  Well, Friday, I was out of town.  So now she tells me to come over later to see about getting it….she left her money at home, of course.  Lola is over here because she needed to find some of  Malcolm’s overdue library books.  I swear, that kid is gonna drive her over the edge, but I guess that’s just not my problem, cold as that may sound.

So now, Jack is the one typing.  I woke up, and I miss My Mikey.  I hope he is safe and well.  I hope I didn’t do too much damage last night.  I don’t think he realizes how it hurts my feelings that he doesn’t want me to renew the ticket again.  He wants to earn the money and buy a direct ticket into Waco, so he can show my family he’s not using me in any way.  I admire the principle, but I want him here, damnit, and it hurts that he rejected a means to get here.  That’s why I said what I did about his dying before he gets to me.

Mikey wants to go to West Point, to see some sort of Indian spirit guide type of person and attend what they call a sweat.  Well, naturally, I don’t look forward to the time apart, but I can’t hold him back.  I’m his husband, not his slavedriver.  The problem that I mainly have with all this is that Mikey frequently doesn’t tell me his plans until the very last fucking second, and that hurts my feelings.  He knows how I hate last-minute changes, and yet he’ll spring it on me at the absolute last possible minute that he’s got plans that will keep us apart.  I guess I have to learn to live with it.

I feel like I’m not any kind of real man.  If I were a "real man", I would have my act together, and I could send my husband paychecks and such.  I could bring my man home to me, IF HE’D COME!!!!!  Oh well, I guess I’m only dreaming, anyway.

My Mikey, I love you forever times pi cubed plus one,

Your Jack