13 years

I often write in here about my father and his death, so I feel fairly obligated to mention what today is.  Thirteen years ago today, my Grandpa died due to long-term complications of Alzheimer’s mixed with malaria, diabetes, and lung cancer.

That means that, at that point, the time I’d been without MY father was the time HE had been without HIS father, too.  Now, they’re probably in a place sitting down, talking, and laughing at us!  LOL

We are AGAIN going to Hubbard to put money into my sister’s bank account.  The nearest Wells Fargo bank is there, that’s why we keep going to Hubbard, which is only about 20 miles or so away, but still…..

MH came through her surgery in pain but ok.  She will continue to be in pain for the next two weeks because of something they put inside of her in some bid to help her pass the now-hundreds of kidney stones that are the result of breaking up the one that was about the size of a small marble.  We just don’t do ANYTHING the easy way in my damn family!  🙂

Yesterday, we spent a great deal of the day at Mama’s house.  While there, My Mikey and I, or our various counterparts, had some tiffs (spats, arguments, whatever!) in front of Mama.  I hurt my spouse’s feelings at one point not long before we left, and Mama talked to me about it.  She said that when I told My Mikey he sucked the joy out of every situation, that it hurt Mikey pretty badly.  I can see why it would, and I felt really bad about that.  I still do, but I’m trying not to focus on it.  I apologized and told him how much I love him and need him.  He gets worried that because he lacks any given trait or so that I will lose interest in him or try to find someone new.  That isn’t happening, folks.  There ARE times when I feel like just saying, "What the fuck did we get married for?!", but then I realize rather quickly that I would most likely be one dead guy without My Mikey here with me.

I need my spouse.  There are no two ways about it.  I would not have GOTTEN married if I hadn’t needed him the way I do.  He is the only one who has ever put up with me the way he does, and he still loves me no matter how bad my behavior.  I’d say he deserves some big-ole kudos for that one!!!!!

I fear that I am a bad husband and father, but I can’t let THIS fear stop me.  It’s not just my life on the line, here.  It’s my family’s life.  We have children and grandchildren who love us, too, and God I love them!!!!!

I wonder how well My Mikey and I actually know each other.  I think deep down, we know each other remarkably well, but there is more to life than that which is deep down inside a person!!!!!!  It is the "who-would’ve-thought-this-might-be-a-problem-?" small stuff that gets us to fighting.  Well, small stuff can kiss our asses!  It’s time to live, damnit.  What we do sometimes isn’t living.  We fight each other when we should be making a united effort to comfort, keep, and love one another.

We’ll get through it, if for no other reason than that we are both too damned stubborn NOT to get through it!

I LOVE MY HUSBAND!!!!!

My Mikey, I love you forever times PI cubed plus one,

Your Jack