Trying

 Thanks so much for all the nice notes about the wedding photos. I was really upset at first at how the photographer oddly angled so many of the photos and didn’t take enough of certain things, but the truth is we have plenty of beautiful ones to remember the day and I can see the joy on our faces.

I’m going to start writing here a lot more. I want to really document the trying to conceive process and (hopefully) pregnancy. Sadly I didn’t get pregnant last month:( I’m basically a high-strung and neurotic person so I can’t exactly relax about this. I realize it was the first month, but we went to WORK..like put on hard hats, packed a lunch, and went to werk! Haha. But I think the problem might have been that I miscalculated when I ovulated. Not to worry, I already purchased the top of the line ovulation kit for this month.

Prior to starting the pill three and a half year ago, my cycles were usually about 21 days, so pretty short. So I thought that after discontinuing birth control in July they would go back to that length. Months ago when I manipulated my pill and period to align when I thought I would be ovulating for the first time on our honeymoon, I was counting on a shorter cycle. This one turned out to be 29 days. I should have known, when we got back from the honeymoon I was getting that tell-tale sign of ovulation of the thick cervical mucus (sorry to be gross but you probably know what I’m talking about). It was light brown with what looked like a little bit of old blood. Of course I took that for implantation bleeding. So hopefully that was actually just me ovulating, although that would have been days 19 and 20 of my cycle, a little late for ovulation. I guess everyone is different. There is actually a huge part of me that honestly thinks maybe I was pregnant and just miscarried. There were SO many signs – I was nauseated, my sense of smell seemed heightened, mild cramping, headaches, etc. Of course it could have been my body adjusting to being off birth control or even just my mind trying to turn my hope into reality.

So strange how you spend years, money, and energy into not getting pregnant, then when you want to it suddenly become an emergency and can’t happen soon enough.