Catch Up

It’s been quite a while since I’ve written. In fact, my last entry is just a survey. I don’t think I did, but I certainly hope I didn’t offend anyone with anything I said about religion or specifically religious people in my last entry. I know some religious people like the ones I described, but that is certainly not a general characterization of all religious people.  I know many lovely people who are religious, some of you included.

Unfortunately, I’m still not pregnant. We’re now going into our sixth month of trying after the miscarriage.
To back track a bit, P and I were told to wait a month before TTC after the miscarriage. So basically wait to stop bleeding (which lasted about two weeks after I passed the pregnancy) and then wait to get a normal period and then start trying that cycle. I got a period pretty quickly after I stopped bleeding but I ovulated so early. I always ovulated on day 17 but the first cycle after the miscarriage was day 12. Then for several months I was ovulating on day 16 but my luteal phase was short, just 9 or ten days whereas it was always 12-13 before the miscarriage. Last month my luteal phase lengthened back to normal. Then this month I ovulated on day 17, so it appears that things are finally getting back to pre-miscarriage normality. I just want to be pregnant again so badly. But once I do get pregnant I’m just going to be so scared of losing it again.
Strangely, I really don’t feel all that more relaxed now though knowing we can get pregnant. Some days I do, but overall I just feel the same deep sense of longing. Our good friends Becky and Carlos got pregnant just three weeks before us. At this point she is pretty big and will give birth next month. We found out in May that they were having a boy and that was a little tough. Of course our overwhelming desire is to have a healthy baby, but if we could choose it would be a boy. When we both started trying at the same time we talked about how ideal it would be to both have boys around the same time.
I have been keeping really busy and we have just been enjoying one another, and there is a lot to be said for that. I’m trying to use this time when I’m not pregnant in a positive way. I went home to Colorado by myself in April. I hung out with my family and went down to Denver to Lindsay’s where Anna and her family were also visiting. I have the story of what happened between Anna and I about half written and I still need to share that in a friends only entry. We’re in an okay place now. I don’t think our friendship will ever be the same though. My mom and I also put all the wedding related non-photo items into an album during that trip.
Another girl and I were elected co-social chairs of our townhome community and we are threw a big summer kickoff block party in early June. It turned out well. I would really like to make some new friends. You can tell a lot of the women there are interested in being my friend as well; it’s just sort of hard getting past those first awkward interactions.
I also threw a bridal shower for Kath in mid-June and a week later went to Miami for her bachelorette party. It was fun and everyone was very nice. We stayed right on Miami Beach and went to a spa, hung out at the hotel pools, ate at fancy places and went to the clubs at night. We were out until about 4:00am every night. I do enjoy dancing when I get in the groove, but going out like that is just not my thing anymore. I really don’t care for drinking more than about two or three drinks. It’s just so clear to me that my happy place is with P. Most other women annoy me. But I also long for the kind of deep relationships I used to have with other girls. I don’t know, life has its seasons I guess. My husband is by far my best friend, as he should be.
I reserved a cabin about an hour and a half north of Chicago in Wisconsin for a long 4th of July weekend for my family and P’s. We rented a pontoon boat and grilled and swam and had a good time. I think our parents really enjoyed it and that brought me a lot of joy. It was just the kind of trip you should go on in the summer and the kind I hope to take my kids on. S’mores around the fire, playing cards, waking up in a cool dark room to the sounds of family.
I also got an office since I last wrote. I was promoted to a director last year. When you become a director you get an office but there wasn’t one available until my boss moved to the New York office in May. This may not sound like a big deal, but I work in finance and we have a very open/communal set up sort of like a trading floor. Finally having an office is a big deal to me.
Our anniversary is tomorrow. I’ll be in Vegas for work next week, then L.A. toward the end of the month. Then there’s Kath’s wedding at the end of August. I’ll come back with picture soon, but I’ll leave you with one. I dyed my hair a little darker last weekend to match my roots.