HereWeGo

SO finally I have decided to start a place where I am able to be me.

Where no one knows who I am.

Where I can express myself in a way that is impossible for me to do in the real world.

First off let me start by telling you I am bipolar, have extreme anxiety along with severe panic attacks. I am usually on medication to help control my emotions and I do pretty well for the most part. But of course I’m just like anyone else I hate having to take medicine to FEEL like a normal human being.

Why did I get stuck with all these issues? Did I do something so terrible in life that I am now being punished with all these mental health problems. These are questions I ask myself on a daily basis. Literally every day I rack my brain trying to figure out where I went so damn wrong that I have to go through all these problems.

Now I know that I do not have it as bad as some other people in this crazy messed up world. But when you’re like me I am always 24/7 stuck in your own head that’s all you can literally think about. I feel so exhausted all day from fighting the battles in my own head not to mention the things I have to go through on a daily basis. I am in no way trying to make it seem as if I have it the worst in the world because believe me I am not so naive as to believe I am the only person suffering in this world, yet this is where I can make it all about me. I can let all my emotions out to somewhere other than Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, ECT. Because let me tell you if I were to post some of these things on any of those platforms it would just make my life that much harder.

So where do you go when you need to express yourself? Most people use social media of some sorts, but I can’t do that due to the backlash from my family that I receive. No one truly understands how messed up my head is, so when I try to let it out a little on any social media it immediately backfires in my face and makes the situation and myself included feel ten times worse. I’ve tried the whole journaling thing and yeah that works in some ways to relieve some of the anger and emotional feelings I have out , yet I’m only letting them out to myself. I’m the only one reading it. What good does it do for me to release all these feelings I have into a journal that only my eyes are able to see when I already go through what I am writing down. I am only to relive it as I’m writing it down. It seems to just make everything worse for me.

So I found this website while messing around on the wonderful internet and I thought this might be a great way for me to get out my feelings, but maybe also have someone else see what I am feeling. I’m not looking for pity or any kind of sympathy I simply want somewhere to go that I can let out my feelings and maybe feel some kind of relief.

So here it is. This is me being me. The Real me.