Rant

Why do people always have to put me down ? No wonder why i have no confidence in myself. When people are always questioning my ability to do things. Yea maybe i am a clutz, but i am not dumb. Last night i was talking about what i want to do career wise to kris sis (alison) I was telling her how i would love to do respite foster caring. an she says to me how would you be able to handle that ? what the hell is that suppose to mean. It just really got to me, yea i have done some stupid things an yea i have made mistakes, but i am a good mother an i can look after a child. Clearly she thinks i am not. I have offerd to babysit for her several times when she has needed someone an she has always said i will get back to you or something along them lines, so has Kym (kris other sis).  So obviously they dont trust me or think i that i couldnt handle it. Yea maybe i am not a perfect mother an i have trouble with novalee at times an her behaviour, but she has never ever been put in danger, she is always clean an well fed, under the circumstance i think i am doing a wonderful job. I dont go out at all, i am not one of these young mothers that goes out every weekend and gets drunk an brings random men back home.

It has just really gotten to me, Thats all i have been told all my life that i cant do stuff. I just wish people had more faith in me. I am so sick of being treated like dirt.  I spose i just have to prove everybody wrong and show them that i can do it. Something else that really pisses me off, people saying oh will ur mum be ok with it ( just about stuff in general). I do not have to answer to my mother about anything to do with me an my child. I am an adult an perfectly capable of maken my own decisions, who gives a fuck what mother thinks. I am nearly 22 years old.

I really need to harden up, people know i am soft an i think they take advantage of that. They know i will just sit back an take shit. Well i am sick of taken shit off everyone. Including my own family.

Anyway my parents are going away for the weekend they leave tomorrow. Which will be a good break. I will have place to myself ( well just me an novalee) give us sometime to ourselfs. Novalee is doing really good, she makes me laugh she is such a comedian and such a show off. She is so much like her father tho in everyway looks an personality it actually really scares me. I rekon she is going to hard work in her teens i can just see it lol.

Anyway i should head to bed