*sigh*

The amusement I am experiencing from the realization that my mother and grandmother are very similar is a bit naughty.
My mother hates her mother, yet there she is.
We often notice the qualities in others that we do not like about ourselves.
My mother is basically anorexic. She supplements herself with a disturbing amount of vitamins every day.
If you didn’t know they were just vitamins, viewing the amount of pills, you might think she was battling some horrid disease or cancer…. something life threatening, not just her own warped body image.
It’s shocking when the picture comes into focus after years of squinting about the details.
This is the woman that loved "The Beauty Myth" and encouraged me to read it.
Just a few odd memories of her father mentioning she was looking ‘pudgey’.
That is all that it took for it to all come together.

Why do we feel compelled to idolize those that reject us?
I must WIN them. They must like me.
But then you realize that after you won, you may not really like them at all.

I was my skinniest after freshman year at college.
The fabled ‘freshman 15’ was a reversal for me.
My father told me I looked anorexic.
No less than 6 months later, after i had gained back the weight, he told me I looked fat.
I believe that’s when I stopped listening to other people.
My mother never commented on any of my physicalities in anyway, aside from the moments when I dressed up for a special event.

My mother dismisses concepts she doesn’t want to understand, as does my grandma.
My grandmother is overly concerned about her neighbors preferences, as is my mother.
My mother uses ‘stuff’ to show that she cares, as did my grandmother, though now I believe she has started to change.

You become what you hate?