Sick with Worry

She timidly knocks on my door way past her bedtime last night.
"I can’t sleep. I am worried about you."
"What are you worried about, I question?"
"I don’t know that you don’t know what you want to do."
She’s afraid of me and I don’t know why.
It breaks my fucking heart that my own mother won’t even talk to me.
And she can’t see this is what upsets me about society.
This is what creates those monsters we like to demonize.

 

In the morning, I approach her again.
"Do you want to talk about what you are worried about?"
"Maybe another time"
"But you aren’t sleeping about it?"
"Oh I don’t sleep about a lot of things…"

 

Why do some women throw their lives away for a man?
"I used to do these things when I thought that that’s what was important"
My mother never was a republican.
She never was so selfish.
And now there is him.
She loves San Diego and now he is convincing her that they need to leave.
For the sake of taxes.
What the fuck is wrong with her?
Throwing your life away for him?
He who doesn’t do anything for you.
He who you have to prod relentlessly to get to do anything useful around the house.
He who sits and watches tv and reads and I don’t think they really speak.

She walks around the house sighing all day.
SIGH.
Really you are satisfied?
Why do I scare you because I don’t want to follow the same path you did?
Kill myself for retirement.
And then convince yourself that you can’t retire where you want.
I am sick about my mother.
I am sick about this man.

Fuck this stupid macho society.
Fuck this stupid capitalist mind trap.
 

I woke up today. And I am angry again.
The blood is boiling up in my veins.
WAKE UP.
The alarm is going off.
WAKE UP.

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December 15, 2012

I’m here. Talk to me. I know where you’re at right now. Or at least, I can certainly relate.

Your mother Feels lonely there for any company is better than known be there for her She will need you Silence speaks more than a million words X