Nothing to Lose
Two weeks ago, I was living in San Diego about to go out and play pool and get drunk. I tried to make out with a boy that at one time seemed interested in me, or maybe I’m just conceited, but he rejected me and muttered some other girl’s name. I left at once at 3am in the morning, hitchhiked a ride home and made out with the nice man who was just getting off of work and heading home, likely to his wife and kids.
I am trying to map out the days since then….
Sunday was apartment hunting and a beer at a wine bar with Andres, finishing packing, pool and a couple beers at Triple Crown Pub with Thomas and a heartfelt goodbye to the bartender I probably said little more than 10 sentences to and probably half were "Could I get a Dead Guy, please?" Maybe more. We had a couple playful exchanges about rolls of quarters and beer, maybe he asked me about why I play pool or maybe that was somebody else.
Monday was airplane ride and getting picked up by my Karen and her friend Matt to Dixon, got drunk and slept at Zoey’s (with some completely bizarre spelling to me) while she played accordion and sang.
Tuesday was phone stolen from hot springs on the way to meet up with Mark and see the AWESOME AMAZING house that never happened because…. well… we got our shit stolen and apparently Taos is so massive that there’s no way we could’ve possibly very easily tracked down Mark…. nope. No way whatsoever. Went back to Dixon, stopped by Zoey’s.
Wednesday was Karen at work, hike in the mountains with the kid, slept on the floor in Dixon after agreeing that we should just move to Taos in the morning. Leap of faith.
Thursday was getting kicked out of a car in the middle of the night somewhere near wherever the hell we just moved into, losing the last of the heat after a window got kicked in, borrowed firewood and attempted suicides.
Friday was quiet evening of pool and a couple beers at the Ale house after Karen got home from work.
Saturday was Karen at work, drinks, cards, and pool up at the Ale house with the kid.
Sunday was freshening up back at Dixon and being told I should live somewhere else.
Monday was not accomplishing anything because it was president’s day, drinking Bakery-made beers, pool tourney fake-out, Karen breaking down about "not being one of these people".
Tuesday was a lot of time alone, exploring other options, going out of for awkward drinks, being told I should leave, getting left at a bar, getting cut off for the first time in my life, and hot bath.
Wednesday was waking up in a warm hotel and showering, getting an offer out and taking it.
They act like it’s an endurance test. I think it’s a shorter walk to the grave.
Is psychology just figuring out the motivations of a deceitful being?