I call you bestie

July 4, 2020 – 12:32 P.M.

But that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m not even sure if I’d consider us friends anymore. Your actions make me feel insecure in whatever relationship you call this. I don’t speak to you freely the way I used to in fear of you taking it in a way I don’t even mean. How sad is it to have to pretend I don’t care because it makes you feel weird, like if I care I must love you or something? It’s the dumbest shit ever. Insulting even. I don’t like being treated like that.

Am I playing the long game? What even is it? That I’ll like myself enough that maybe you will too? Lol what logic. Am I aiming to try to win you over cause you’re afraid of being close to me? Or is that a convenient excuse for me to leave you alone?