Happiest 4th

July 4th, 2020

Almost every 4th of July winds up being disappointing on some level. For whatever reason I’ve always had this feeling of introspection, watching the fireworks I’m always in my head. Feeling lonely, wishing my life were different, appreciating the whimsy of a summer night. But ultimately summertime sadness for sure.

This year was not like that in the slightest and I was, still kinda am, surprised by that. Especially with the firework show being canceled. I woke up and showered, did my makeup and went to my mom’s. She’s so cute. She had a couple tables and chairs set up in the front yard, with decorative table clothes of course. She had made dinner basically based on my suggestion lol I offered to buy the food if she made it. So we had ribs, corn on the cob, potato salad and watermelon.

I ended up wearing a red apron over my white shirt so I didn’t spill but then Kail pointed out I somehow managed to get sauce or something on the back of my shirt hahah, of course. My older sister also teased me saying, “why did you wear a white shirt to eat ribs?” lol

It was fun this year cause I actually set off a lot of fireworks, something I’m normally not in charge of. But there was something charming/ fun lighting something and running away lol seeing if it was a dud or not. Made me feel a little younger. And with my niece being 2 and a half I bought smoke bombs and pop-its and sparklers to do together. She called the bombs “berries” and I had her pick out which color she wanted me to do. The first bag she thought was cool. The second bag she started saying, “scary! scary!” But not actually scared lol it was adorable. The popits were good too, she was more interested in stepping on them than throwing them on the ground. Sadly she got burned from a sparkler she dropped and went to pick back up. I felt so bad! It was a lack of thinking on my part and it happened so fast. But after some doctoring up she was unfazed. I still felt bad. Later on in the night I was doing my own sparkler and she came running up to me saying, “auntie be careful! Hot!” 😄💔💔 she’s so smart and sweet.

And speaking of my niece, throughout the day/night, I was making sure to help her get to the bathroom when she when she had to go cause she’s been potty training. Well, I came out of the house from helping her go to the bathroom and my mom was like, “this is your song, C”. I was listening like I don’t recognize it? So she said Mary Jane and I instantly got her joke, began grooving and acting like I was high, smoking a joint lol which made her laugh but then I grabbed her vape off the table and took a drag doing finger guns and rolling my body. She was dying. Hahah I tried to keep going and took a couple more drags but both interrupted by me coughing, laughing my myself but also cause she was laughing so hard.

My neighbor and her boyfriend hung out for a while and they were fun. He was into throwing the ground blooms into the air so they would ignite and begin spinning midair. It was really cool. I made a glowstick headband for neighbor and told her how it’s traditional cause I always insist on others wearing one with me lol she told me I’m fun.

Honestly I didn’t think about my bestie or pjs or even G. I think that’s part of the reason it was so good. I didn’t have a long distance thing going on making me sad they weren’t there. I could just be, hang out with my fam and have a good time like I’m supposed to. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t comforted knowing my bestie spent the 4th with his family which I found out later when I got home and saw it on his snap story.

Toward the end of the night when things were winding down, my sister was ready to go home and my niece came up to me, grabbed my hand and said, “walk home”. I laughed then made sure it was okay with my sister. We walked over (they live across the street from my mom) When we walked into the house there was loud country music playing in the living room for their dog who actually was over at my mom’s. I started dancing with my niece but then changed the station to Disney. I think cause she asked for “Elsa”. I ended up changing her into her jammies when my sister came home. I like being able to be a little motherly with her. Taking care of her in that way makes me feel full of love. If that makes sense.

Like I said. This was a really lovely 4th. I’m feeling very optimistic for the rest of this year.