Still Haven’t Seen Him *MAJOR EDIT*

all i can do is sit here and listen to that song he sent me and cry!! i’ll start to play his xbox but then after a few minutes i’ll start to think about roger and i’ll have to quit!!! why would he send me that song and then not even want to come and see me today!! he said a week is a week and it hasnt been a week yet. well this isnt fair!! has he been planning this separation in his head for a while or something, setting it for the week of our anniversary?!? this is torture! he could at least give in just for today!! i dont care about the gifts or anything like that. i just want to see him, thats it!!

i’m sorry for write the same thing in every entry!! i feel pathetic and stupid right now. i’ve felt like that since saturday night! i’ve left him alone lie he wanted me to though. i’ve called him maybe 3 times at work and i think 2 times were becuz i missed his call. and i asked him why he couldnt see me today, but yesterday it was okay as long as i brought him lunch, he said becuz yesterday i just dropped it off and he saw me for like 3 minutes. this is wrong!

why does he have all the power and control over this relationship?! how come he can make me cry and he doesnt even have to be around?!? how come i’m so in love with him and he acts like everythings okay? everything isnt okay!! i cant see him!! hell, i think him calling me hurts alot too. maybe it’d be better if he didnt…..NO!!! i want him to call. at least i can hear his voice.  i need to go get a tissue…..i need to get a life instead of my pathetic life that consists of nothing but roger…and thats kinda hard right now becuz  *HA* i dont have him!!

i still havent seen him and it’s 10:40 at night. there’s no chance for me to see him with it being this late. not once today did either of us say happy anniversary, but i wanted to so bad. i didn’t though becuz i didn’t know if he’d say it back, or if he’d even want to hear it right now. i just emailed him and simply said happy anniversary…i love you.

 he’s called me today a couple times…almost every 4 hours. he just laid down to go to bed. well, he just got home from dan’s house….after he got off the phone with me he was going to jump in the shower then get in bed. he said he’d call me tomorrow….i bet i’ll have to take him lunch. maybe this time i’ll be able to talk to him….maybe this time i’ll get a goodbye kiss. hell, maybe even this time i’ll get an i love you cuz when i brought him lunch yesterday he didnt even tell me that!! shithead!! *lol*

OMG!! DO YALL REALIZE THAT NEXT ENTRY I WRITE WILL BE MY 100TH? THAT’S WHY I JUST EDITED THIS ENTRY WITH ALL THIS CRAP…I WANT MY BIG 100 TO HAVE SOMETHING GREAT IN IT…LIKE ME AND ROGER GETTING BACK TOGETHER. SO I MIGHT NOT WRITE AGAIN TILL FRIDAY OR SUNDAY. JUST WANTED YALL TO KNOW THAT IF I DON’T WRITE TOMORROW DON’T GET WORRIED. *LOL* MAYBE I’LL BE ABLE TO WRITE MY  "BIG"  ENTRY TOMORROW…WHO KNOWS?!?