I Need To Do Some Things

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So Roger and I have been doing good….until he mentions anything about his computer. Ever since I’ve caught him in lies about the computer, the trust is just not there right now. When I go over there at night, his comp. is on, but he’s never signed into his messengers. Well, up until last night I thought he only had MSN messenger and YahooMessenger (which I knew about both), but he was signed into AIM last night. Hell I didn’t even know he had AIM!!! So, now I’m going to have to do some snooping again. WHy can’t he just be honest to me when I ask him questions. I asked him which messengers he had and he named the 2 I knew about. *blah* He still hasn’t changed his email account password….and the other night we were on the phone and he was on his comp…so I told him since he was online he had no excuse not to change his password. He hasn’t changed it yet.

I think I’m going to have to prove to him and his family that I can live without him. Yes, it’ll be difficult, but I’ll be okay. I’ve been thinking alot lately about how much he’s hurting me. The more I love him and try to trust him, the more he rips my heart into millions of pieces. This isn’t fair though. Becuz if him and I ever truley broke up for good, the next person (guy or girl) that I date will go through hell becuz I won’t be able to trust anyone. My guard will be up all the time and I’d probably snoop a little too. It’s just not fair….unless I got with someone I know wouldn’t hurt me.

This is hilarious to me! I’m sure everyone is getting tired of hearing about our problems …..really they’re all my problems cuz he doesn’t seem to think of them as problems, just something I’ll get over. Every entry I write about being pissed or catching him in lies, or even breaking up with him cuz I can’t handle this anymore. I’m just confused becuz I’m scared of being loney and never finding someone good enough now.