update

I wrote Matt that lengthy letter… He called me after he got home from seeing “Shrek2” with friends. I told him about the letter… he wanted to read it right away. So, I told him to call me whenever he wanted after he finished – there was no rush. The phone rang only minutes later.

“Hello?”
“Hey.”
“Well?”
“You know what you need to do?”
“What?”
“Go see Shrek2.”

Yeah, I was quite upset. I gave him another chance – he didn’t realize that I was actually serious about everything that I read. But then he caught on and did get really scared – the scared that I expected and needed to hear. When he didn’t act concerned at first, I grew more frightened that maybe all of this was just so inextricably wrong… but you know what? We talked for three hours straight about everything. And now all is well.

We still have a lot to work on, together and separately. However, we’re going to stay together. We’d never be happy without each other. Never. We expressed all of the fears and doubts that we’ve ever thought about since our relationship began… and I think we gained a lot of understand through that.

Anyways, I’ve had a good day… Poor Matt had an awful nights stress – he woke up with some sort of stomach pain (due to the stress I gave him the day before). Then, his family drove to Flordia for the weekend… but his dad made an hour and a half drive into six hours since he kept stopping to do business calls… Then he became an ass and just started yelling at everyone and even cursing at his wife for anything that went wrong. He can be such a big jerk… I honestly doubt he and I will ever be “close.” Anyways, what would have been an 7 hour drive was close to 12… my poor, poor love.

I talked to him to cheer him up. We’ve decided that he’s going to plan the wedding, for the most part. Since I obviously can’t handle it (I can feel the ulcers forming as we speak), I’m going to let Matt do it. He’s promised to consult me on anything important – like he’ll give me 5-7 choices and we’ll both decide on something. But, beyond that, its mostly in his hands.

This is already hard for me. I’m very emphatic about the details… and now I have neither control nor responsibility over them.