elle etait ma bebee

I usually don’t write two entries in a single day. But I have something that I need to write down.

Only those who have known me personally know of my cat, Cosette. She was beautiful. And yes, was.

About seven to eight months ago she contracted breast cancer. I didn’t know this was possible, but I guess it is. So, around Christmas time the vet told me that only surgery would delay death… I would call that unnecessary – especially for $3,000. But, since she wasn’t in pain, we kept her alive and more than pampered than ever. However, the site where it had taken over her lymph nodes burst and she started bleeding several times a day… then it would stop and heal… then it would start again. I was away at college during this entire time, so I have no idea. However, I was forced to make a difficult decision.

Anyone who knows me will understand how close I was with my cat. She’s the only pet I’ve ever had and the most personable animal I’ve ever known. Well, I made the decision to have her put to sleep before I came home from college. I didn’t want to do this, but I felt that I had to. She was declining in overall health… quite honestly, I did it for myself, too. Even now I won’t talk about it with anyone – its too horrible and it hurts too much. That’s why I haven’t told anyone or written about this before. I miss her so much. I keep looking for her around the house… waiting for her to fall asleep on my legs at night… have her beg me for fresh ice cubes in her waterbowl… the list goes on.

So yeah. This entry is dedicated to my Cosette.

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And this is when I see myself
As a little girl
In a non-grown-up world
Hanging on to life’s dreams
Not even facing reality.