You, you, me, now I think ya got it

I have WAY too much freaking energy and I can’t sit still so I’m hoping doing a survey will focus me just a little. Maybe?

Have you ever:
1) Self harmed?: Yes. Fact is fact.
2) Got into a real fight?: Umm…define that? Verbal? Oh yeah. Physical? Nah. I can fight if I have to, but I’ve always chosen to be verbal.
3) Been too depressed to move out of your bed?: Yep! In my teens and again a couple of months ago.
4) Tried to commit suicide?: To a point. I was never hospitalized or anything and no one ever knew. I’m not sure if it counts.
5) Had to lie to EVERYONE about how you felt?: Yep! Very much so. Again, back in my teens, though. I’m trying harder to be better about that now.
6) Watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting?: I don’t think I’ve ever watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting, but I’m positive I’ve watched MOST of an entire season.
7) Talked yourself out of serious trouble?: Oh yeah. I’m REALLY amazingly good at talking myself into and out of things easily.
8) Accused someone of using you?: Nah. I’ve always been well aware of that as it’s happening. No need to accuse. I just went with it to see where it played out.
9) Shoplifted?: Nope. No need.
10) Gotten drunk/high?: Drunk, yes. High, no.
11) Been to a concert where your favourite artist was playing?: I’ve only ever been to one real concert in my life and yes, he was my favourite artist at the time.
12) Skipped doing homework to play a video game? I’m not sure that I ever truly skipped homework except for math, senior year of high school. I just gave up on that class completely really early on. But I certainly never skipped homework for a video game. I had other stuff to do.
(Right now) Are you:
13) Suicidal?: No, thankfully.
14) Bored?: Not so much bored as I am jittery with too much energy. I’m having trouble sitting still.
15) Avoiding someone?: Uh…loaded question. I am. I’ll leave it at that.
16) Avoiding some task?: Nah, not really! I’ve done everything and and then some today.
17) Depressed?: I’m…on the ledge, but doing ok at the moment.
18) Crying?: Nope!
19) Annoyed with a friend?: Slightly. It would be nice if some people exhibited a BIT of sympathy instead of trying to just top my stories with ‘worse’ ones of my own. I haven’t known this friend for very long, so I’m not sure if I’m sort of mis-reading him or if he’s truly that self-absorbed. Legend has it that it’s the latter, though.
20) Worried and confused about something important to you?: Nope! Not that I can think of. I’m generally not a worrier and I’m generally not confused. I tend to know what I want.

Do you:
21) Get depressed easily?: No, not easily. I’ve now been told by several people that I only have a meltdown once every 3-5 years, so I guess that’s not too bad. 🙂
22) Get jealous/envious easily?: I jokingly tell people I’m jealous of them ALL the time. Well, maybe not so jokingly when it’s over something really cool like a great vacation or a new puppy or a baby…things like that. 🙂 But I wouldn’t go all psycho-ex-girlfriend over a jealousy situation.
23) Feel listening to music can take your mind off things?: It depends. I think for me, music can actually make things way worse. But, I tend to throw myself into that pit no matter what, so it doesn’t much matter!
24) Worry about messing about your relationships a lot?: Not really. I figure people can take me or leave me. If I’m not good enough for them, I will be for someone else. I just don’t worry about stuff like that.
25) Try hard in all your classes at school?: I used to. Well, mostly.
26) Go out drinking?: Only once or twice. It wasn’t for me.
27) Smoke cigarettes?: Nope.
28) Smoke weed?: Nope.
29) Do any hard drugs?: Again, nope. Well…only second hand. I was in the room, but I wasn’t the one smoking.
30) If you said yes to 28 but no to 29, Why?: I was personally never into the whole drug scene. Quite honestly, I felt like such shit all the time anyway and I truly worried that it would make things worse for me.
31) Believe in God/Belong to a religion of your own free will?: I grew up being shoved into Sunday school classes in a Baptist church. I learned to hate the idea of organized religion when I finally discovered that there were other things out there that I could choose to believe. I’ve since compiled things from Native American beliefs, Zen Buddhism, Paganism and a bunch of other things as well as Christianity and I finally have a belief system that works for me that I’m proud of. It makes me a better person.
32) Avoid people you care about because you feel you will only hurt them?: No. Never. Up until this year, I’ve never avoided anyone for any selfish reason. However, I did lose my cool with one close friend a couple of months ago and that’s when I realized that my own issues were getting out of control and that I had to step out of society for a bit to work things out. I wouldn’t say I avoided people because I was afraid to hurt them. I just didn’t like who I was and I didn’t like that I couldn’t keep my composure. I knew it was time to change things. So that’s why I avoided them- to work myself out.
33) Agree that self harm numbs emotional pain?: Nope. I tried it. I tried it for about six months and it did NOTHING for me. I was still an incredibly angry, depressed teenager. The only difference was that I was also annoyed at having to scrub blood stains out of my clothing. It did absolutely no good for me. If it did, I would have been more obsessed with it. Luckily enough for me, I was too far gone for it to work.
34) Believe people deserve second chances?: To a point, depending on the situation. I usually give second chances.
35) Agree with ‘An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth’? (ignoring the religious relation to that saying): I’m not sure if it does any good. I’m not sure if I really believe that or not.
36) Think things will get better?: I do, yes. I think things always get better.
37) Feel afraid that you have done wrong and will eventually be punished?: Like a karma situation? Not really. “What goes around don’t come around…” I think things even out. You get what you put out there into the world and I think I do enough good to balance out whatever bad stuff I might have done.
38) (be honest) Do you judge people who think differently to you? (seriously, be honest): It depends, again. I’m sure I do. I think people who believe it’s ok to be suicide bombers and take lives of innocent people deserve to be judged. But if people simply believe something differently in a regular everyday setting, no. Of course not.

Preference in boyfriend/girlfriend:
39) Long hair OR short hair?: It really doesn’t matter, but longer haired guys have ALWAYS caught my attention and made my head turn.
40) (For Girls one) nice smile OR nice abs?: I’m going to assume this means “for girls to answer”, so I’m gonna go with a nice smile.
41) (For Guys one) nice smile OR nice chest?
42) Shy OR open?: Both are fine. 🙂 I’m a major introvert, so if the guy is TOO crazy, it’s just not a match that would work.
43) Eyes OR body?: Eyes!
44) Religious OR non-religious?: I’d like for the guy to have SOME belief system of some sort…it doesn’t have to be religious. A tiny bit of spirituality of SOME degree would be great, but it’s not the end-all-be-all by any means.
45) Caring OR non-restricting of you?: Caring, but not overly so.
46) Straight edge OR non-straight edge?: Somewhere in the middle would be lovely. I don’t wanna have to rein him in, but it would be nice if he dragged me out of my shell a little.
47) Piercings OR no piercings?: I’ve always loved piercings on guys, but again, it’s not the end-all-be-all either.
48) Tattoos OR no tattoos?: Same goes for tattoos! I love a guy with tattoos, but it would never be the end of the world or the relationship if he didn’t have any.
49) Quiet stay-at-home type OR party type?: A little of both, but only because the latter would take me out of my comfort zone, which I need now and then.
50) Has friends you get along with OR has parents you get along with?: BOTH, please. Although I suppose parents I get along with would be more logical since they’d probably be around more.

Would you:
51) Drink alcohol until you were drunk?: Yes. I have. I didn’t enjoy it then and I wouldn’t enjoy it now, but I’m sure I’d do it.
52) Smoke weed?: I was always so against it but now…I don’t know. I’m at the point in my life where I just don’t care to be that same straight-edged person I used to be. So…perhaps.
53) Smoke cigarettes?: No. I’m firm on this one. Truly because I don’t want the habit and because I have awful allergies that I don’t need to be making worse.
54) Get even with someone who betrayed you?: I’m not necessarily a revenge fiend. I figure people who do that kinda thing eventually hang themselves if I sit back and wait long enough. I enjoy that most.
55) Forgive a boyfriend/girlfriend who deeply hurt you?: I have and I would again.
56) Attempt to kill yourself if everything fails you?: No. I’d never go back to that place again.
57) Keep your faith (any religious view) no matter what?: I hope so.
58) Join a band as a part time activity?: Yes! I surely would.
59) Feel sorry for someone who is being affected negatively from alcohol/drug abuse?: Wow…that’s tough. I have compassion but no sympathy there, I think. I’m willing to stick by people who are in those situations, but I don’t feel sorry for them.
60) Stand up for your beliefs if someone strongly goes against them?: It depends on the situation. There are certain things that I do stand up for and others I let slide because I’m not going to waste energy on something like that if I know nothing will ever change their points of view.
61) Go vegetarian for a month to see what is was like?: Sure, I think I could do it.
62) Fight someone who was harassing your friends/family?: Yes. Again, verbally, though.
63) Edit photos of yourself before posting them online?: Ha, yep!
64) Put up with friends who constantly hated against something you believed in/supported?: I can tolerate a lot, so…yes. I would and have ‘put up with’ friends who have hated things I support. I wouldn’t at all call them close friends or important friends, though.
65) Be friends with someone who was nice to you, but a jerk to other people?: I tend to give what I get. If you’re nice to me, I’ll go to the ends of the earth for you and back. If you treat me like crap, don’t expect me to bend over backwards for you. I’ll be cordial and I’ll be polite, but I will NOT go out of my way for you. I’ve actually made an ex-coworker cry over this fact. I heard from a third party that she was sobbing over the fact that I was joking and kidding around with other coworkers but not with her. “All she ever does is answer my questions directly.” Well, the story behind that is that she ran very hot and cold with me. She didn’t like taking ‘orders’ from someone so much younger so she suddenly became a spoiled child and started name calling and asking if I was pms-ing every other day, so I got fed up and stopped trying to be nice. It wasn’t worth my time.
66) Not like someone simply because your friend(s) didn’t like them?: No, generally not. I prefer to form my own opinion of people.
67) Lie to someone close to you because you don’t want them put up with your problems?: No, I wouldn’t lie about that. I’d tell them that I wasn’t up for discussing something.
68) Starve yourself so you fit some certain clothes?: Yeah. I admit it.
69) Get surgery on any part of you? If yes then which part of you?: Nope. No surgery, although the Ear Nose and Throat doc I saw a couple years ago thinks I should have my tonsils out. Eh.
70) Sleep naked?: Always.

You can only choose one:
71) Black or Orange?: Black
72) Metalcore OR Post-Hardcore?: Post.
73) Cellphone or Computer?: Computer.
74) Chocolate milk OR Coke?: Coke Zero
75) Tumblr OR Friends?: Friends
76) Mac OR PC?: PC
77) TV Shows OR Movies?: TV shows
78) Old bands OR new Bands?: Old bands
79) Pop-Punk OR Alternative Rock?: Pop-punk
80) Reading OR Listening to music?: Oh no… I can’t choose. BOTH.
81) Coke OR Pepsi? Define your reason for your choice.: Pepsi. It fizzes less and doesn’t sting my nose.
82) Staying who you are OR changing yourself drastically?: Both. I’d change myself drastically physically if I could stay who I was mentally.
83) Breakdown OR Clean vocal bridge?: Clean vocal bridge.
84) Jonny Craig OR Kellin Quinn? Define your reason for your choice.: Oh…band members. I don’t know.
85) Ronnie OR Craig? Define your reason for your choice.: Not a clue.
86) Your life as a comedy OR Your life as a documentary?: A documentary if Woody Allen directs. Best of both worlds.
87) Go to outer space OR Go all around Europe?: Europe, I think.
88) Shoes OR Shirts?: Shoes!
89) Chelsea Grin OR Suicide Silence?: Suicide Silence
90) Drop out of school to get a job OR stay at school and finish your education. Define your reason for your choice.: I ditched college for work and look where it’s gotten me.

Almost over:
91) So far have you told 90 truths? And for fuck sake be honest.: I have. Honestly.
92) Are you quiet about your social life with your family?: I truly am. Even at my age, I don’t tell them much.
93) Do you want to travel when you are older?: How old do I have to be for that to be acceptable?
94) Would you let go of people who mean the most to you to follow your dreams?: No. I can’t imagine my dreams would take me away from the people I care about.
95) Did you notice there are no sex related questions?: Nope. I hadn’t noticed.
96) Rather be the opposite gender?: Maybe for a month, just to experience it.
97) What will you name your son/daughter?: I’ve always loved the names Dylan and Emma, but those are so stupidly popular now that I would probably never use them.
98) Do you get harassed more than most people do?: Nope! Lucky me.
99) What band do you hate the most? Define your reason.: I have no idea. I don’t hate a particular band that I can think of.
100) What makes you a bad person in your mind?: Constant malicious intent towards other living beings.