You turn away when I look into your eyes

I’ve been wrestling with my thoughts lately. Just one particular issue, though. It’s been an ongoing thing for years and I just have yet to come to any kind of conclusion as to what to do.

What happens when a situation (or multiple situations) with a close friend of over a decade suddenly becomes a bit too real? What happens when you’ve spent your entire friendship pouring everything you have into it and it feels like you’re the only one making any real effort? I’m *NOT* by any means calling this friend a bad person or a bad friend. I do love this friend very much. The problem lies when I’ve brought the situation up and the excuse is, “I’m just incapable of being a good friend.” Not true. I’ve seen otherwise many, MANY times for many years. This friend also tells me that he/she loves me as well and that he/she appreciates me, etc…which I’m grateful for. But…actions speak louder than words. I’m now at the point where I’m extremely doubtful. I’m *NOT* looking to delete this friend from my life at all. Quite the opposite. I’m just tired of the excuses and being ignored and the runaround. Just be honest with me. If you need a break from our friendship, tell me. I’d rather hear it than be ignored.

The other situation is kind of delicate and I’m not sure how to explain without giving exact details, which I really don’t want to get into. But basically, said friend is always trying to top others in one way or another. If you have a cold, said friend will have the flu. If you’re going through a rough time, said friend will always have something worse and more dramatic going on. I honestly don’t even think he/she is aware that’s what’s happening. I just think this person is subconsciously more dramatic and is constantly seeking attention in a ‘woe is me, don’t ask me what’s wrong because everything is terrible so I need a break from life’ kind of way. Again, I’m not explaining myself terribly well because I don’t want to give away details, as it’s not my place. But what I’m getting to is Friend A has been in my life for 10+ years, as has Friend B. Both know each other. Friend A has always had a certain issue in his life and once Friend B found out, suddenly, he did too. I’ve tried to be supportive of both friends, but the “coincidences” are just insane. Right after Friend A gives a bit of info about his issue, Friend B will do it not long after like clockwork. I have an extremely hard time believing what Friend B is saying about everything, though I’ve tried speaking with her about it, but everything is just *TOO* coincidental. I’ve even spoken to Friend C who knows us all and Friend C is also in agreement with me about all of this, so it’s not just me by any means.

I’m just tired of not knowing the real Friend B. He/she takes bits and pieces from everyone else (quite obviously) and then reacts in an overly dramatic way. Ever since we started getting closer 5+ years ago, I’ve gotten the feeling that this friend tends to keep his/her distance from me because I’m just not that easy to fool, meaning I don’t fall for the fake stuff and I don’t give in to the crap he/she tries to pull on everyone else. I make him/her accountable for things. And I don’t think Friend B really likes this very much. I’ve noticed when there’s something more “serious” (read: dramatic) going on, I hear it from someone else rather than Friend B most of the time.

It is what it is, I guess. This is not something I’ve recently noticed, but something I’ve known from the beginning of time, since we first met. I’m just in the occasional mood where I’m tired of it and have to vent somewhere. So…there we have it.

I know this was a bit confusing and I’m sorry. It’s a bit late and I’m a bit cranky.

Goodnight.