I’ll be fine, even though I’m not always right

Oh, sleep…perchance to dream. Evasive, isn’t it? I had the realization earlier today that I’ve been taking something to make me sleep since I was about 12. Dude…that’s 18 years. THAT’S A LONG TIME. I’ve been an insomniac since long before that, though. I recently discovered Melatonin about a year ago, which is fantastic. However, it causes some insane night terrors/nightmares. I’m used to that stuff by now because those are my nightly dreams anyway. It’s just way more vivid and memorable when I take Melatonin. Plus, that stuff makes me groggy for the entire day. So four days ago I decided to experiment with sleep. What do I have to lose, right? Ha. Someone should have stopped me right there. I’m already in a seriously weird, trippy, bad head space as it is. This is NOT helping. I don’t know how Melatonin is supposed to work for certain or how it works for anyone else, but it seemed to have stayed in my system for a day or two and I’m slowly getting worse and reverting back to where I was before I ever discovered pills that make sleepy time a happy time. I’ve been through ’em all. Nyquil (weird withdrawals from that one, I tell you. Never again long-term), Advil PM, Tylenol PM, other random actual sleeping pills, etc. It’s gotten to the point where NONE of the over the counter sleeping pills work except the Melatonin. But that just works too well. So I’m trying pretty hard to avoid taking it except in extreme cases.

I’ve officially slept for about 8 hours in the last 4 days. No sleep at all today. Day 4- mental strength wearing thin. I can officially smell numbers. Blue smells like cupcakes, FYI.

I also had both a moment of clarity and a moment of pure stupidity at the same time. I realized that one of the sets of song lyrics I want as a tattoo is by the band Marianas Trench. Now, whenever I quote someone somewhere, I tend to give credit where it’s due by leaving the author’s name. In this case, I was just going to leave initials. (That would be the moment of extreme clarity when I was thinking just perfectly.) Problem. I share the same initials- M.T. Therefore, it would look like I was extremely egotistical and quoting myself. (Moment of stupidity.) That alone made me laugh for about twenty minutes, and then I was all kinds of hysterical over the fact that I was laughing so long about that. Sleep is much needed.

BUT…one good thing came out of it. There were three lines that came to me in a twilight-y maybe-I-can-sleep-now moment. I accidentally flipped one of the lines I want to use as a tattoo without realizing it, but here we have it.

“When the hourglass tips one last time
Touch the stars and rattle the sky
Curse all those who brought you here…”

And that would be the extent of my poetry skills. That’s probably also the only ‘poem’ I’ve written since I was forced to write them back in elementary school.

Anyway, there we are. I was going to do a survey, but my brain won’t focus, so perhaps later.