I must confess, I’m in love with my own sins

Swiped without guilt from big sis [Diane]!

1.Describe yourself as a child in one word.: Hyper-aware.

2.If you’d known one thing you know now that you didn’t during your first sexual experience, what would it be?: I would have to say…I’d like to have been less oblivious. Rather than focusing on what was going on in my head, I could have paying more attention to other things.

3.Imagine you could gain total memory from any single year in your life. What year would it be?: I…truly don’t know. I have random memories that go as far back as when I was six months old. I have a fairly good memory for things like that. What I don’t remember probably wasn’t very important, so I think I’m good right as I am.

4.Explain a time that you’ve used your sensuality to get something other than sex.: I’m way too…well…oblivious (again) for this! I never realize that it’s an option! 🙂

5.If you found out for certain there is a Heaven AND Hell, how would you change your life, or would you even change it at all?: I don’t think I’d change anything. I do the best I can for myself and for the people I care about. I’m not perfect and I wouldn’t even try.

6.What point in your life do you feel the most guilty about?: I don’t feel guilty about anything. I don’t have regrets. In fact, I’ve recently very bluntly told three different people, “No, you don’t get to guilt me about that…,” because I’m just completely over being threatened with guilt because I didn’t respond in the way someone wanted me to.

7.Let’s say you get in the way-back machine and you’re able to witness any one time in your family’s history.: I think…I would like to see my father’s side of the family arriving from Spain to live in Vermont. I wanna see their immigration and how they lived.

8.What age would you remain if you could stop the aging process at any point in your life?: I’m gonna go with 25. It wasn’t a particularly good or bad year, but that was the physical age I was most comfortable in, although I’m more stable now, mentally.

If you had to name where the majority of all your fears come from, what would you say it is?: Well…thanks to growing up with my father, I’m pretty positive I’ve got some PTSD issues and I’d have to say that started at a really, really young age. Maybe 2 years old. Maybe even earlier. I have a fear of heights, but I can’t pinpoint that. I was six when my fear of spiders happened. Those are really all my fears. I feel like I’ve done enough soul-searching over the years that I feel confident in saying all of this for certain.

10.Can you name the nicest thing ever to happen to you by chance? What was it?: Nicest thing ever? I can’t name one particular instance, but I will say the ‘nicest thing ever’ happens on occasion whenever someone tells me that they’ve only ever trusted me in a given situation. Whether it’s to watch their kids or to listen to a deep dark secret, any time I’m told “I’m only trusting you with this,” it’s an amazing thing.

What was the worst sin committed against you?: Being made to believe that I was completely worthless. A close second is being made to believe I was ‘crazy’ because no one wanted to believe my side of any given story because adults just can’t be wrong.

If you could regain any piece of clothing you threw or gave away, what would it be?: I cant think of a single piece of clothing that I’ve ever been that attached to. Clothing is replaceable.

13.If you had someone else’s eyes for a day, whose would you choose to have?: I can’t name names, but I’d love to see what I look like with brown eyes. I love my blue ones, but I wouldn’t mind testing out another colour for a day!

If you could make, absolutely, one thing come true for a friend, what would it be and who?: I can’t pick and choose, but what I’d really love for ALL friends is complete mental and physical health.

15.Out of all your friends, who is the most comfortable with their sexuality?: I think everyone I know is pretty cool with who they are, which is awesome. 🙂

16.If you could have anyone in the world tell you the most romantic thing ever, who would it be and what would they say?: I’m a sucker for the simple stuff. Just a simple “I miss you” is super romantic to me. It doesn’t matter who says it. 🙂 And the phrase doesn’t really matter either, as long as it’s from the heart.

If Heaven were to look like one of your friends homes, whose would it be?: You know…from the photos I’ve seen, I wouldn’t mind heaven looking like Ashlea’s SO’s mother’s house. 🙂

If you could say that there was a time in your life when emotional attachment to a person was vital, who and what time would it be?: Probably back when I was 17 and engaged. I was having a horrible time at home and the fiance wasn’t so terribly stable, mentally, himself. We sorta found each other and clung to each other. In fact, there was this country song I remember him quoting to me once, “…your sweet love saved me/not a moment too soon…,” and that’s just how it felt at the time.

19.Who do you miss most right now?: I feel like I’m always missing. I’ve been trying really hard lately, over the last couple of years, anyway, to get closer to the people I care about. In some cases, it’s working, which is great. In others, it’s still a bit of an uphill climb. Those are the ones I continually miss. I also miss big brother Frank. I’ve been thinking about him lots lately these days too.

20.Who can make you laugh the most?: Unless I’m speaking from the heart, I’m not a terribly serious person, so it’s really easy to make me laugh. 🙂 Ashlea does a great job! Chris…what can I say? Trading insults is one of the best things ever. 🙂 Spooks, Treve, Randy, big sis Diane and our morbid conversations, Jen and our ‘incredibly boring mundane’ conversations and ‘babydaddy’ rants…Noah just by being Noah. 🙂 All of you guys! Shane, because we’re so similar in the humour department! Viv, by being silly. 🙂

21.What could a person do to successfully woo your current lover away from you?: Not a thing. I’ve been tested with this more often than I care to admit lately and what I say stands.

If you could be killed by any animal, what would it be?: Wolf- yes, I’ll go with that as well.

If you were in the circus, what would you be?: I would wanna work on training the animals.

What smell makes you nostalgic?: SO many. Wood burning fireplaces remind me of Vermont. Leather and barn-like smells remind me of when I used to ride horses. Hay reminds me of chinchillas and all my pocket pets over the years. The smell of snow in the air reminds me of when I was about 3 and it was snowing really hard, but my father had to walk our cocker spaniel, so he took us both out for a walk. I remember watching the snow under the street lights. Cleaning chemicals remind me of my old job, which I liked. Pies baking remind me of my grandmother, because that’s the first thing she ever taught me to make. (I also associate her with all Thanksgiving/Easter/Christmas big meal smells because we always had those meals at her house.) Pine scents remind me of all of my traipses out into the woods alone to enjoy nature and get away from my own head for a while.

25.Where is the dirtiest place you’ve ever been?: Back when I was working for the vet clinic, I somehow got tagged to go do a housecall of sorts and pick up some woman’s deceased dog. I have no idea how long the dog had been dead, but the house reeked and that’s a smell you just don’t forget. I had to follow a trail through the house between stacks of newspapers and magazines and cardboard boxes just to find the chair where the woman had the dog wrapped up for me to pick up. I lived only three blocks from this woman’s house and all I wanted to do on the way back to work was stop at home and shower.

What was the best “I told you so” you ever delivered?: I’d have to say…well…ok, in honest-to-god sincere moments, I don’t do the ‘I told you so’ thing. If it’s a funny situation, then yeah, I certainly will. But I’d have to say that my best moments have always been cases where I faked being confident to the point of being obnoxiously cocky when I felt zero percent sure that the situation would turn out in my favour. And when it miraculously did, all I had to do was smirk, shrug my shoulders in the smoothest, coolest motion I could muster and casually say, “told you so,” before walking away.

What do you feel is the most beautiful word in the human language? Why?: Honesty. I don’t think it’s a pretty, aesthetically pleasing sounding word, but I think without that, you don’t have a lot of trust and you can’t have love, etc…so I think it’s the basis for everything else that’s good in the world. As for pretty sounding words, I’m not sure. I’d have get back to you on that.

What is the ugliest word in the human language?: Any derogatory word is quite ugly.<– Stolen! But there are also a ton of other words that I hate just because I don't like the way they sound.

What word would you like to convince people to stop using?: Stupid current slang. “Totes” and “adorbs”, for starters.

30.If you could have any starring role in any film that has already been produced, what role/film would it be?: I would absolutely love Tippi Hendron’s role of “Melanie Daniels” in “The Birds”, but I’m definitely not classy enough for that!

If you could erase any murder from history, what one would it be?: I wouldn’t. That’s just screwing with history now. Did “Back to the Future” teach us NOTHING? You can’t mess with history. 🙂

If you had the power to eliminate one certain kind of natural disaster, what disaster would you choose?: Does famine count as a natural disaster? It should. So I’d erase that one.

If you were able to have a romance with any fictional character, what character would you choose?: Truth? Holden Caulfield.

What was the best music show you’ve ever gone to?: I’ve only ever been to ONE concert in my entire life. It was…ok. I’m not much for huge group activities, so I won’t say I loved it, but I’d do it again now that I’m older, and that will probably be the better one. But I won’t know until I get there.

What is your favorite musical instrument?: I can’t choose! I love piano and guitar and the violin. All equally, I think.