Liberation

When I was a kid I had panic attacks almost every school morning. I’ve had them as long as I can remember. I continued to have them all through my youth and into my adult life. Of course , until I grew up, I did not have a name for them.

When I was eighteen, I had an episode that the doctor called a ‘nervous collapse’. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like every nerve in my body was blown. Sheer pain. I lived in a small crowded house so I went to the bathroom to try and figure out what was happening. When the pain become unbearable, I started to walk to my parents bedroom… I never made it. I passed out, while biting my lower lip to keep from screaming, and hit my chin and punctured my lower lip clear through. Many stitches and a prescription for ‘nerve pills’ (this was around the late sixties).

I took the pills for a few weeks but felt like a zombie so I stopped.

The panic attacks continued. Low level depression. Anxiety all the time. Was my way of life.

As I said in an earlier entry, I made it work for me. Battled through it and never told anyone. Actually, I have had a very successful life in spite of this secret.

Now it’s out in the open, and I feel much better… And it’s not just the meds. It’s the freedom to be who I am.

Liberating!!!!