I’ve Lost My Brother

I am a very lucky sibling. I had the love of an older brother for all of my life… until two years ago today. Gerald was thirteen years older than me. There were three other siblings between us. We were bookends. A connection so strong that it could not be broken by time or distance. But death has separated us. The loss is so deep that sometimes it takes me and shakes me. It can bring me to my knees without warning.

I know this may sound strange to have these feelings for a brother. But he was so much to me growing up. My rock, my protector, my guide, my shining light. He always made me feel strong and safe. I knew he had my back. I never felt alone. That is him in my diary photo.

And he was taken without warning. That was the worst. One day he was there and then he was not.

Don’t get me wrong. I knew someday he would die but somehow it just never entered my mind that it would happen anytime soon. He seemed so healthy and happy.

I called check in with him and he didn’t answer. I was worried right away. I called one of my other brothers and he drove over right away to check. When he called with the news, I collapsed and howled. I had not even done that when my parents passed.

These past two years have made me realize that my time on earth is drawing to a close. Yes, it may be years away, but I am on the downward slope. I never felt this way before. And actually, I think I have come to terms with it.

I want the years I have left to be happy and productive. I want good memories made. That is his legacy to me.

Peace and Tranquility.

I love you G!