How do deal with Anxiety: ?

My anxiety has been really bad for just over two months now.

I have always experienced anxiety, from the time I was a little child: those tummy cramps just before leaving for school? Apparently there was a reason for that. My anxiety manifests itself physically. I feel sick. Lately, I feel sick all the time. It’s gotten to a point where I’m scared not to feel sick.

I’m constantly on edge waiting for the other shoe to  drop. I know what might make this better or calm my anxiety down, however, I don’t know if I’m ever going to be prepared to do that. Honestly, start thinking suicidal thoughts when that happens. I… know that isn’t normal. I’ve tried to seek help. He was an ass and I know I should continue. I am not prepared to deal with this by myself and I could potentially cause more harm. Therapists are expensive!

Some days are okay… my anxiety is at a manageable level. Other days… I wake up feeling sick. I know it’s not just anxiety. Its depression too. I was affecting my work but now I just feel like a bad employee who would rather speak to herself through journaling than work.

I’ve never really journaled before. Asian family with absolutely no concept of words such as “privacy”, “personal”, etc.

I woke up feeling sick but I’m starting to feel better. My mind starts to worry when I’m not constantly on edge. I would like this to end.

I promise to end it with the depressing stuff soon. I pray life gets better. Keep me in your prayers.