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I don’t think my sanity can handle it this winter. I already knew my anxiety was going to go to shit, but now that it’s here I am climbing the walls.

I have no clear parking spot here at my apartment so I have to park by the street. Feet of snow later I just got it out to discover the ticket and still no snow cleaning from the apartment maintenance. Ofcourse no one is answering there phones or texts about when and so here we are.

No place to park and to anxious to sit calmly and let the day go by.

The aloneness is really wearing on me, especially when not just a half mile away is a house full of my boys. The divorce is really weighing on me and I’ve lost the the ability to just sleep the day away.

Is this what being suicidal feels like? Just not wanting to live? I don’t want to harm myself but I feel so alone.

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3 days ago

Bummer about the ticket, but the positive is the truck wasn’t towed?? Since you have it dug out, how about a trip to the library to read magazines and kill a few hours? You’ll be around people to ease the loneliness but no expectations from anyone and it is peaceful. I’m a big promoter of libraries because they offer so much–sometimes they have programs or lectures or concerts, and it’s free!

I go stir crazy in the winter too and the cold and dark really affects my mood, for the worse. (Yesterday I told a stranger that her husband was a “fucking idiot” for waiting for her in his car in front of the grocery store, blocking the crosswalk. It was negative windchill and the moron makes the people outside have to walk around him. I’m still annoyed lol! But I would never be in that bad a mood if it weren’t for winter.) Get outside when the sun is shining and get fresh air when you can. Only 21 more days until the days start getting longer.

2 days ago

@elkay I would have said the same thing too