Ugh

What to write when you don’t know what to, but you need to vent???

When do you find the point when you don’t just sob about how shitty things have become, eventhough you have no real understanding why?

Oh I’m sure there’s plenty I can be blamed for, but I just want to understand why one person gets a new life and I have to sit with the pieces of the old one. I’m still paying for a car I didn’t want.

I want to date, but I feel so unworthy after how she left me. How everyone left me. I just spent 3 weeks learning my new job by a person who seemed to have treated me as if I killed her cat. It’s kind of unexplainable, but I felt as though I was some weird odd looking mess that people had no choice to have to be around, but had to try.

Now I thought she was slightly attractive,  but I kept it professional and as friendly as I can. She never laughed or even had a conversation with me as one would think you would with someone you would train. She didn’t explain mistakes or what I can do better. Only said look at your notes and made me do the basics which anyone can do, put orders away,  sweep, facing shelfs…

So now it’s back to driving 50 more miles a day to go all the way to the main training store. Not knowing what’s been said by her or what to expect. After how the last 4 years have gone, I’m just expecting the floor to drop out on me again.