Ton of bricks

I have always thought the expression “hit me like a ton of bricks” was funny. How could you not see something in your life failing so bad that you can’t see it coming?

And then I lived it for the last 22 months.

I can’t say that there hasn’t been some “up’s” over this time. I’ve made some new friends, cyber friends is what the kids call them, I have brought a dog, which has been a wonderful thing for my neighbor, literally my dog just eats and sleeps at my home, but prefers every waking moment over next door. Some old friends have come back into my life, and left just as quick.

But, my life is not better. I have yet seen the “plan” that the almighty has laid down for me, unless it’s all about the suffering. I lost my childhood home, possessions, the only love I truly cared for, my family. The friends I held close to my heart have all but left me for dead. No check in calls, no invites, no responses to me apologizing that my “ton of bricks” inconvenienced their lives. My sister has took all of this as a personal affront, how dare my “ton of bricks” make her life hard. Why am I not the father she would be in my place? Why am I letting a little thing like my ex destroying my “everything” make me not be what she wants me to be?

To many dark, silent, and lonely nights have lead me to look into online dating. I am currently giving a nice young woman, I have seen twice, money for sudden expenses.   I know, you don’t have to say it, but although my ex, friends, and sister would make it seam I am the world’s biggest asshole, I generally care about people, whether they care for me. Besides, I have some extra cash and I don’t do anything but go home, feed “the neighbor’s dog”, and sleep until the next shitty day starts.