The fight

I’m worn out. Thr constant mental adjustments all day to stay level headed is taking its toll. I realize most “sane” people do this everyday,  even unknowingly. I’m jealous, I lost that ability when I lost her, so now it’s one of those things that I have to be constantly aware of.

Am I doing better? Yes, but I feel as though I’ve had a constant headache these last few weeks of actively trying to not fall back into the muck. It’s like balancing on the spinning log like you see in the lumberjack games on ESPN.

I just never imagined I would be at a point where I can’t put trust into anyone. A point where I have to have suspicion about anyone and everyone in my life, knowing that at any point they can flip on me. It’s kind of torture for a man who live most of his life based on others.